#i think in middle and high school i struggled with this still but k started finally forming my own personality

[kunaigirl]

Long post ahead, but I really want to talk about this...I think? Oh lord here we go, lol. Anyways, confession time!

I struggled with illiteracy and learning to read for a chunk of my life. I've mentioned it (in passing) in this post that I made about my experiences with having epilepsy, but I decided to make an whole post just for this for a change.

Somewhere around when I was in the second grade, I lost my ability to read and write due to a bad seizure I had. (That combined with the medications I was given too.) A lot of my memories are blank from that era, except for a very few instances I remember clearly. What I do remember though, has nothing to do with the seizure or even what lead up to it, all of that's still gone to this day.

I had lost my ability to read, and also was diagnosed with dyslexia during the quest to re-learn from scratch. (On top of already being diagnosed with ADHD when I was about 6.) I remember very vividly how HORRIBLE everything felt. I couldn't remember the names of things, and I had to re-learn, from preschool up, both reading and writing from scratch.

Somewhat luckily, I didn't lose anything else besides those chunks of memories and my ability to read, and I still remembered who I was, what cartoons I liked, my favorite music, etc. But suddenly, I couldn't read the CD titles anymore. I couldn't read the VHS covers. It was gone, ripped away from me very suddenly, and I knew it was missing. I knew that I already learned how to read and write, but it was forced out of me by a malfunctioning brain. I was home schooled because of it from grades 3rd-5th. (2003-2005)

In the third grade, I had made just enough progress to get books for 5 year olds. Everyone around me acted so proud, but all I could do was cry. I was humiliated. I felt so incredibly stupid, as being illiterate leaves you with no choice but to feel stupid. I threw those baby books around my room and sat on the floor crying. It wasn't fair, I didn't do anything wrong, it was my damn seizures. I had no control.

When I went back to public school for 6th grade, I got called stupid, the r-slur, illiterate, slow, basically every name in the book. Both kids and adults, all throughout those years while I continued to re-learn in real time. In middle school, my reading level was still low for my age, and I had to be in a special program with extra assistance and teacher accommodations. As soon as word got out, the kids were RELENTLESS. It was 06-07, nobody cared about bullying/etc, especially for a public middle school. The bullying never stopped.

I kept working and studying, slowly making progress. Years of struggling, learning to cope, inventing my own short-cuts to help read a little easier, using rulers and paper edges to help guide my eyes, everything. I was still in "special" classes with accommodations all through high school too. My senior year of high school, I graduated on the honor role list. Did that make me happy? It felt nice for sure, but better? Not by much. I knew how hard I still struggled, and still felt very embarrassed by it all. I'll never forget.

As a kid, the pain I felt was so intense. Physically from the seizure, and in every other way with having to re-learn how to spell t-r-e-e. Starting over with pre-K toddler books at 7. Kindergarten level at age 8, and a first grade level as a 9 year old. The feeling of having my memories ripped away just enough to leave me unable to recognize the symbols that decorated everything from posters to TV to book covers. Being told by a room full of doctors and neurologists what had happened, and being quizzed and tested to see what I still had left.

I have never forgotten those long nights. Even though I was a child, the shame and guilt and fear I felt were VERY real and very tense. And the jokes/remarks from both kids AND adults, the notebooks filled with raw squiggly anger, the uphill climb to regain what was taken from me. I will NEVER forget it. Even in college, I struggled with those heavy textbooks and their tiny fonts. I did well enough, but no one else struggled the way I did with them. I did my work and wrote my essays, but it would take full entire days. It still does.

At times, as an adult, I still get stuck on words. I can obviously read and write again, as you can see with this exact post, but it's not over. I struggle with certain fonts, and some books are just to difficult. I still work at it and still try as hard as I can even to this very goddamn day. It never truly ended, all these years later, 20 years later, I still sometimes fight to understand. I feel like an angry and humiliated kid again in those moments, but I'm not that kid or teen anymore. I lived thought it somehow.

I had a dream back when I was 17, where I'm standing in from of my 9 year old self and that pile of baby books. She's crying and looking at me, desperately. I walk over and hug her, proudly telling her "We read The Great Gatsby in high school, and we understand it."

To anyone who has struggled with illiteracy at non-toddler-points in their lives, I see you. To anyone who's struggled with reading comprehension, I see you. To anyone who struggled with writing, I see you. We don't talk about it enough, and I want to change that. I don't want to hide that side of my life experience anymore. Fuck shame, we climbed out of it.

And to this day, a copy of "The Great Gatsby" is still on my shelf. Because I read it in high school, and 9 year old me would've thought that was the coolest achievement ever.

[dekusleftsock]

I JUST HAD THIS REALIZATION IN THE SHOWER WHY HAVE I NEVER. THOUGHT ABOUT KATSUKI LIKE THIS.

So this is going to kind of go into Izuku’s bullying from Katsuki but it’s mainly if not entirely about why Katsuki has always stood out as a person, regardless of quirk or even leadership.

What got me thinking about this was actually those “American meets K-Drama bullies” on tiktok, which I often feel has a hint of xenophobia, but I digress.

One of the main points as to WHY the American in those examples would “win” is because of the cultural differences between fighting back vs shutting up and taking the beating. The main reason most Americans believed they would win is because culturally, a K drama bully would never think that their victim would retaliate, much less try to beat their ass in the first place.

Japan and China have similar cultural standards, especially to bullying (which is why bullying is so so bad statistically in Japan, with a whopping 57% bullying rate), and this “sit down and take the beating” cultural standard often permits bullies to continue to retaliate within the school. (Fun fact I was actually researching divorce in Japan for this due to some misinformation I’d read a while ago, but apparently Japan doesn’t have joint custody?? Like period?? It comes from the idea that a family is a set unit, and that were a parent to want to leave that unit, they are fundamentally no longer apart of it. No marriage, no custody, no child. You simply don’t see your kid very often, or ever. Sometimes this is even a decision on the father’s part, thinking that it’s “too painful to see the child after separation”, and that parents don’t see the benefit in children having both parties in their lives)

So, thinking of this in mind, I first went to why Izuku wouldn’t necessarily speak out or try to fight back. He wants to, he definitely almost does, but ends up standing silently shaking instead. Yes, fighting back may feel good, but even to people who would sympathize with said struggles may still blame the victim in this situation for “causing trouble”, it’s why Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship is even more interesting; it’s not just Izuku gaining confidence as he goes into high school, but that after he was given a space TO fight back (the first hero training), he actually started his arc on “defying society” and “not pushing things under the rug”. Tearing that rug to shreds doesn’t just mean looking out for those who haven’t been looked for, but also for destroying the standards that fighting back is a fault of yourself.

Tbh we also have this in the west as well, even those Americans who like to make those TikTok’s shaming people in countries they have no contextual idea to understand, much less solve. Because it’s not that fighting back itself would be hard, but that the social backlash would cause you to be even more of a target. It’s a lose-lose situation, so yes, a student will choose the wisdom of their parents and their elders that tells them to pretend it isn’t there.

But, besides that, in America (and I honestly wouldn’t doubt that this is in Europe too) the subtlety of that shame IS STILL THERE. I can even account for this in my middle school, for lightly pushing my bullies who ganged up on me, I was the one blamed and threatened punishment. The idea of a fight at all in high school would cause immediate suspension on both parties records, regardless of why or who started it. My brother in middle school was expelled for threatening kids who were both physically and vocally harassing him, and instead of any sort of help from the school, they REFUSED footage that might have defended him and my brother was then ostracized by my neighborhood/school district and thought to be some kid about to shoot up a school, he wasn’t.

Violence isn’t always the answer, obviously, but this is mainly to point out the hypocrisy of putting the west on this pedestal for fighting injustice.

I wanted to put this in somewhere but didn’t know where so it’s going here, but I find this take even funnier given the fact that North America has a 1% higher bullying rate than Asia which is so fucking funny and ironic

BUT BACK TO THE MAIN POINT ON KATSUKI, IM GETTING THERE I PROMISE🙏🙏

I think there’s this perception online of Katsuki that he is considered so unbelievably cool and normal given the context of his middle and elementary school, but putting it into perspective? Fighting your bullies, especially ones a year older than you, is REALLY WEIRD. Like, he’s an odd ball. It actually makes so much more sense as to why Izuku admires Katsuki in the first place. Katsuki has NEVER simply sat down and took the beating IN HIS LIFE.

And when you really think about it? All of that direct language, how rude he talks in Japanese (as in what pronouns he even uses for people, to the point that even the “softer” or “more intimate” pronouns he uses are��� also kind of rude), and yk, suddenly, it’s almost like all the people at the beginning of their first year making fun of him… makes sense. And not just in a “lets humble this guy” way, they have no reasons to think of him in any kind of way really, they’re simply reacting to Katsuki and his odd way of speech and forwardness. He IS weird here, not just an asshole.

But EVEN GIVEN the fact that people know and think Katsuki is weird, he still strides along anyway. In fact, the only person who has ever gotten under his skin has been Izuku, who never even implied that he thought any malice of him in the first place.

Even now Katsuki continues to be himself to such a visceral, outward degree. I saw this post recently that was saying Izuku was actually quite mature for his age, but I’d argue that it’s less maturity, and more that he has just abided by a certain cultural standard of being thankful for the opportunities he’s been given.

It’s almost like Horikoshi has used Katsuki as this… idk, societal commentary? He certainly stays a societal commentary here in the west and our standards, often portraying more nuanced ideas of forgiveness and change and humility, but it’s different now that I think about it.

Katsuki isn’t just a character made to be rude for the sake of being funny, he’s an honest to god, walking, talking, culmination of what Japanese culture stands to change. It’s why Katsuki keeping his “hardened” traits is so so SO important. And it’s even more interesting given that he’s popular, he’s powerful, and he’s still bold while he does so.

Katsuki didn’t try to be popular, he just happened to do so. Explaining why he’s so bizarrely different from everyone else suddenly makes everything about his character make sense to me. Like, ofc Izuku would admire him to an almost worshipping degree, ofc he would stay in his life regardless of his flaws, Katsuki is himself in the most unapologetic way possible and THATS what’s truly admirable about him. His quirk, his determination, they’re both beautiful, but he’s the hero in his life because heroes inherently juxtapose the society around them. And that is exactly what Katsuki is.

And Katsuki, for all his flaws, never changed himself for society. He was always, long before he went to UA, before he even had his quirk, before he’d probably even met Izuku—been a hero.

[weeeeeekly]

quarter life crisis – ot5 tomorrow x together x afab!reader

˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊

blurb !!! Reincarnation can bring soulmates together despite their time apart. Being a huge fan of TOMORROW X TOGETHER helped you get through the struggles of entering early adulthood. You would thank them personally if you ever could but when you possibly get the chance it’s more than what you could ever hope for.

info !!! txt are still idols, reincarnation au, soulmates au, polyamory, throuple²… they’ll all eventually date each other, mc has mental health struggles, universe assigned lactose intolerance, team no kids, glasses wearer, lives in the middle of fuck nowhere but still a city (just go with it), pet names used are “our love” and princess, & not edited.

wc: 1.6k

WARNINGS !!! NSFW, MDNI, 18+, extremely self-indulgent, soft yandere!txt, mentions of mental health & self-harm (nothing graphic) for entire series

author’s note !!! This is fiction!!! this is made up!!! I do not condone breaking in, stalking, and other ulterior motives to get close to someone you are romantically interested in.

why are there not more ot5!txt x fem/afab or gender-neutral reader… mandatory note that i do not think txt act like this in real life. I also cannot come up with a blurb for the life of me, so please peep the info tags.

˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊

CHAPTER SIX

After your impromptu sleepover at their apartment, you snuck out as the sun was rising. You had to shut your eyes to walk out the door instead of staying put to cuddle with Yeonjun. And hopefully the rest of your newfound besties.

The rest of the day consisted of you making yourself carryout chores to not check your phone that was being blown up by the group chat. There was no opportunity to laze around, and pretend time doesn’t exist, but you feared that your mind would spiral.

Before you know it, the sun has set, and your eyes can barely stay open.

˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊

The blaring sound of your annoying ass alarm startles you awake for another day of being a corporate worker who needs money to survive in this capitalist world. All you wanted to do was collect pretty photocards and listen to music.

Ugh.

You go through the motions of getting ready – putting on your glasses, fixing your bed sheets. picking an outfit, fixing your hair, drinking an iced matcha latte with coconut milk and hazelnut creamer, taking some vitamins to not get sick, and running down to the parking garage to drive to work while blasting one of your favorite playlists.

You were definitely in a TXT mood, so a playlist that focused on the group would suffice. Putting the playlist on shuffle, the familiar intro to a song begins as you start the car.

“I know you’re my one and only”… “My life before you was a mess”

You hate still living in your hometown, but you can’t imagine yourself living anywhere else. Your daily route of driving to work had you passing by your entire school life; elementary, middle, and high school all in the same K-12 building and your college just a bit further. Your friends from kindergarten stayed with you until high school graduation when they decided that they couldn’t be stuck in this place any longer and went out of town or farther. Luckily, your roommate who was one of your best friends since childhood stayed but they’ve been busy with their job since landing it 2 years ago.

Speaking of your roommate –

roomie leaving for the cruise with my family today!

roomie see you in a week, make sure to eat proper meals

Your apartment would be empty yet again. You didn’t mind being alone most of the time due to your roommate’s odd schedule, but it never bothered you until now.

When you reach your desk, you sneakily put in your earbuds to continue playing TXT while working. If you can drown out your thoughts and just focus on TXT, then maybe today won’t be so bad. As the rest of your TXT playlist plays, you can’t help but relate the romantic lyrics to them. The same TXT who happen to be your neighbors.

The same neighbors that were sneaking into your apartment to get into your room. They were repeating their method of climbing over their porch to yours and open your sliding door that was still unlocked. Walking it to your room, that was also still unlocked, and huffing in your scent.

Kai jumps onto your bed, hugging your penguin plush that was sitting on one of your pillows. Beomgyu slips a hand into your underwear drawer that he mapped out last time, sneaking a pair into his pant pocket. Soobin opens your diary to see if you made any new entries – you did but nothing he didn’t already know. Taehyun takes it upon himself to finish your leftover iced matcha latte (which he grew a taste for liking). And Yeonjun finds himself sneaking away to go to the bathroom. He can immediately tell which shower cady, side, and items are yours. Even smirking at the poster decoration done by you.

He knew back then, and he knows now.

˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊

When you arrive home, something feels… off.

Nervously walking to your room, you notice that your fuzzy blanket that sits on top of your bed is crumpled and definitely not made properly like how you left it. As you look closer, you can even make out a few handprints that should not be there.

You always make sure to fix the blanket to have no marks.

As you survey your room, there are noticeable differences – your penguin plush is laying next to your pillow instead of sitting on top of the pillow, the home shirt you hung on the top drawer’s knob is on a lower knob, and after opening the top drawer, your underwear drawer, one of your favorite pairs is missing.

Some freak broke into your apartment and your room.

The pure fury that flows through your veins is ungodly as you run around your apartment looking for any other sign. Nothing in the living room, kitchen, bathroom, or your roommate’s room. You lock the sliding door, lock your door, and relock your roommate’s room.

gc with 6 cuties

you i need you guys to come over now

taehyun one second

A knock at your door signals that they’re here. When you open the door, Soobin throws himself at you and checks your face for any signs of distress and frowns.

“What happened?”

You grit out, “Some fucking freak broke into my apartment to do god-knows-what in my room.”

The other 4’s expressions drop as they walk past you.

“We’ll buy a security camera to point at the front door and sliding door. A metal door stopper for the porch. We could ask the front office for security camera footage.” Taehyun goes on as he steps back to you and pulls you into a hug, “We’ll keep you safe.”

“Can you guys stay the night?”

“If you want that.” Yeonjun turns to Kai, “Can you bring over some pillows and blankets?”

Kai and Soobin leave and come back with a pile of blankets and pillows. They follow you to your room after you unlock your door with the key you hid on top of the doorframe.

“Make yourselves at home.”

You feel like a weight has been removed from your shoulders as you lay down on your bed in between Yeonjun and Soobin. Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai lie on top of each other with Taehyun resting his head on your stomach. It’s the best kind of weighted blanket.

“I’m happy you guys are here.”

You wrap your arms around Taehyun as Soobin scoots closer. “Seriously, I’m really happy.”

“We’re happy too.” Yeonjun whispers.

“I still can’t believe you guys are real and here, with me. Like, obviously you are real people, but my mind couldn’t conceptualize it until you were right in front of me. I’ve only seen you guys from far away at concerts and mainly through a screen. You’re all just as pretty, wonderful, ethereal, kind, and nice as your idol personas and I just… I’m just happy. I don’t know what good thing I did in a previous life to have this moment.”

Soobin reaches out his free hand to softly pinch your cheek, “We’re lucky to have this moment with you.”

You start playing with Taehyun’s hair as you continue spilling your inner thoughts. “I have crushes on all of you. I’m surprisingly not embarrassed to say that maybe because I still don’t think this is real. I think I’m just being delusional and crossing over the parasocial boundary.”

“NO!”

Taehyun sits up and leans over you causing you to suck in a breath. “We’re soulmates.”

You look up at him, very confused. “Is this fanservice or…?”

“This is going to be a lot to take in, however, we are soulmates. We loved each other before too. What do you know about reincarnation?”

Now you’re just totally confused.

Turning your head to Yeonjun, “Is Taehyun okay?”

“He’s right.”

Oh my god.

“So you’re saying, if I’m understanding correctly, we were soulmates in a past life?”

Kai grins brightly, “Yes.”

“But soulmates don’t exist. We don’t have any of the signs like in books; no red string, no timer, no marks.”

“Are you sure? How did you find us?”

“Well, you guys had just debuted during the last few months of my senior year. I was having a hard year, especially winter break, but then TXT came into my life. My cousin had tried to get me into Kpop the year before but didn’t. I saw the Crown music video a little after it came out and I don’t know, got interested in you guys. Kind of like a pull.”

“You felt the pull.”

The look of hope in all the eyes just makes you want to believe them, “Basically.”

“You love us!”

“I do love TXT. I have posters everywhere. Just don’t look in my bathroom.” You joke, but Beomgyu smirks at you as he backs out of your room.

“NO!” You clamber off the bed and run to your bathroom only to dramatically drop to your knees as TXT look at your collection of their minisode 2 posters on the back of the door, on the wall, and facing the toilet.

“Why is Mark Lee on the ceiling?”

masterlist | previous | next

author’s note happy stayc comeback day!! i have been listening to the album on repeat & it's so fucking good! those are my girls. pride month ended for this year, but being gay is forever.

sorry for not updating yesterday but i could not form a coherent sentence.

[a-pop-of-korean]

How’d you learn Korean? And for how long? Why? Idk if you’ve answered this before but yeah

I started learning Korean when I was in the 8th grade (I'm now 21 so it's been a long time!), basically just by watching YouTube videos and reading blogs. I never took it that seriously (and also I was a child who didn't know how to study languages lol), so I never took notes or anything. It was only when I was in the middle of high school that I decided to take it a little more seriously and make more of an effort to expose myself to it. I made this blog when I was 16, so that was probably my peak of self-studying--I had to make sure I knew my stuff before teaching other people! I started taking Korean classes my sophomore year of college, and then went abroad last year for four months, where I continued studying it formally.

As for the why, many of my friends growing up spoke another language, and I wanted to learn another one as well! I chose Korean because I really liked K-pop and wanted to understand my favorite music. Maybe that's a bit of a silly reason, but I was like 13 when I decided to start learning lol. But I do think that music in any culture is important, so I'm glad I chose Korean because now listening to K-pop is a different experience for me!

Keep in mind that I'm not at all fluent--I know a lot of textbook Korean and I did get more comfortable speaking it when I was abroad, but I still struggle and don't know everything! I also started studying it just past the age where acquiring a language is easy, and I didn't expose myself enough at first. Even though I'm not fluent, I wanted to make this blog to hopefully be a resource for other native English speakers who struggle to learn Korean. I hope this answers your question and thanks for your patience! 화이팅!

[yulsbabymama]

Disventure Camp Headcanons Part 1

AIDEN

Half Argentinian Half French Canadian

Had a huge TOP phase in middle school

Only child

Super good singer but hates hearing his voice

ALEC

Afro-Turkish and Japanese

Diagnosed w Autism when he was a child

Smokes

Started drinking shortly after he got married; relapsed after his separation w his ex

Has an older sister by 7 years

ALLY

Transgirl; came out to her grandfather and he was the only supporter she had

Definitely had obsessive love disorder when meeting Hunter the first time

Super fucking bad at dancing

Likes K-pop (Fromis_9, Stray Kids, Billlie, P1harmony, Enhypen, Stayc, aespa, ITZY)

ASHLEY

Country music defender

will actually die on the Country Music hill

like she's from Texas but she's FROM TEXAS ykwim

Transgirl; realized she was a girl at a young age and transitioned w a supporting family

Would probably roll her eyes at u if u assume she loved AppleJack when she was younger

I mean, she did

but not as much as ppl assume

CONNOR

Jewish

Despite having a booming business, he still doesn't understand technology

but he WAS a boss at programming his MySpace page

"programming is my passion" college dude

Nickelback liker

I'm so sorry

DAN

He and his sister shared a bedroom until she moved out

Actually convinced her to come back home bc he missed her

like

crying on his knees

"PLEASE COME HOME IT'S SO MISERABLE WITHOUT U THERE I MISS U"

blasting a radio to her favorite songs

did i mention he loves his sister

Pokemon kid

Oh, he's also autistic

DEREK

Half Filipino and half Columbian

Transguy; was an unhappy "girl" growing up and would refuse to listen to anyone who didn't call "her" by Derek

Facebook user

only to troll, tho

He tried trolling on Twitter too but Trevor had to pry the phone out of his hands

Secretly likes Trevor

and by secretly I mean he angry-cried while writing drafted emails of his confession

Barely cries or anything like that, emotionally, but angry-crying is his #1 basically

Is not a registered gun owner

DREW

Other than the notebook, he has a communication device

Adopted

Video games hurt his eyes

so do mobile games

Honestly i think he just needs glasses

likes dogs :)

ELLIE

Half Irish and Half Singaporean

Transgirl; came out in her last year of junior high

Middle child w two sisters

While struggling w her identity, she was a Pick Me girl to fit in #sad!

she ended up giving up on fitting in #gogirl

Malay's her first language

Mom passed when she was little

tolerates cats

FIORE

3/4th Italian 1/4th Chinese

hates horror movies

not bc she's scared of them or anything

she just thinks they suck

forced into a ton of shit to become normal

girlscouts, ballet, soccer, etc

she hated everything

but she can make a good cookie deal

GABBY

Has an unhealthy obsession w watching drag shows

she doesn't understand any of the lingo

she just thinks the outfits r pretty

LPS kid

also watches too much animal documentaries

will actually sit down and say "im bored, time to watch a 6 hour doc on cheetahs"

she just cray cray like that #loveher

unhealthy addiction to stickers

GRETT

Transgirl #slay

was a Toddlers & Tiaras kid

passenger princess

forces Yul to drive her places

they have almost broken up 5 times bc of this

she also genuinely forgot to tell him she was #trans

u should've seen the look on his face

when

..

yeah

#hedidnotcare

that's ooc but idc

she's bi :3

HUNTER

Half Chinese Half White

Dad left after his youngest sister was born

Lived in China until he was 8

He has autism

Christian btw

like pslam bunch-of-numbers in his bio

can quickly change languages like that

will talk to u in english then will answer his phone in cantonese

texts like a millennial

:/ sorry

smokes

the killers, staind, blink-182, and r.e.m fan

plays the guitar

JAKE

Half Korean Half Japanese

cannot speak those languages fluently, tho

sorry

he and his brother wrestled a lot

his brother would always win

anyways he was a theater kid

but quit bc of some drama

haha. get it ?

one of those gays who cries to mitski & ricky montgomery

but only listens to them when he needs to cry

which is often

JAMES

has been in cringe compilations before

imagine if i just ended this w just that hc

would that be funny

anyways

one of those middle schoolers who was violently supportive of the lgbtq+

like everyone knew he liked boys

except him

loves his younger sister

like a lot

they r bffies

will call her in the middle of the night randomly

"i just posted a new tiktok, go like it."

JENSEN

genuinely have nothing for him

like

can i just say he's dreamed of men shirtless before and end it at that

um so yeah

[anyablackwood]

Other things to consider when writing about a country/culture not your own:

Maybe it's obvious, but there are some things that I think people might overlook when writing a story that takes place in another country or culture that can actually be very important to look into. I might make this into a series, but as I mentioned in the tags of my last post, one of the most common things I seen people overlook in stories about other countries is the education system.

As I'm only really familiar with American and Japanese school systems, I'm only going to be speaking about those. However, I think this is worth looking into for any culture that you're unfamiliar with!

Unlike the American school system, wherein the school year starts in August/September and ends in May/June with some breaks in between, Japan's school system ends and begins in spring. The first term ends in July, with summer vacation going for just over a month (about 40 days), then continuing into the next term of the year. They have winter, spring, and summer breaks, but none for fall/autumn (at least not for public or international schools; I'm unfamiliar with private schools, but I understand that they operate a bit differently).

The school week is also different. Most schools operate on the standard Monday-Friday schedule, but with the addition of classes every other Saturday. This can vary to some extent depending on the school, but for the most part, this is standard for most high schools and middle schools. On top of that, many students from middle to high (and some elementary) schools are in "cram schools" or extracurriculars (which are technically not required but socially kind of... expected??), which take place after usual school hours and/or on weekends.

Speaking of grade levels, those are also different. "Kindergarten" students are 3-5 years old (this is not considered part of elementary school; more like Pre-K). Elementary school spans from 1st to 6th grade, middle school is 7th to 9th, and high school is 10th to 12th. Which is why many anime/manga will refer to "third year" as the highest high school grade level; they are not graduating younger, the grade levels are just shifted.

So if a character is referred to as a "first year" in high school, they're actually about 15-16, not 14-15. And unlike America, skipping grades or testing into classes isn't allowed. Not that it's rare; it's genuinely NOT allowed, no exceptions given. So regardless, there is no explanation for a 14-year-old to be a high school first-year in Japan unless they've straight up faked their birth certificates/were adopted and didn't actually know their correct birthday until recently. And considering how rare adoptions are in Japan and how difficult it is to make edits to the registry in city hall... those are both unlikely. This is why testing into schools/getting into the "good schools" in high school matter so much in Japan; they're not talking about private schools, they're talking about getting into a school with a more rigorous academic system so that they aren't bored out of their minds in a class too slow for them (also because it looks good to colleges and universities, but that's another post).

That being said, up until recently, the age of adulthood in Japan was 20; this changed a few years ago to 18, but it is worth mentioning, as that would affect characters who have graduated/reached adulthood prior to this change. Side note, the drinking age has not changed; it is still 20. This would affect things such as college applications and the decisions around those, since applicants weren't (until recently) considered legal adults. Especially since most schools don't allow their students to have jobs while in school without their permission (if the family is financially struggling, the parents might tell the school, which would give them special permission to work part-time). This affects things such as financial autonomy, social expectations (it's considered embarrassing to have a job in this context as it implies you're extremely poor, and most teens don't tend to be proud of that). There's much more to be said; uniforms, the extent of control the school/staff have on students off school grounds, social expectations, etc. but this isn't meant to be the essay that it's become so I'll just leave it here.

In conclusion, make sure to look it up! You'd be surprised how much you'd find from such a seemingly innocuous, seemingly unimportant topic. This barely scratches the surface on the differences in these two school systems alone, as well as the many socioeconomic strings attached to them. There's likely way more differences with cultures that are especially on the other side of the equator, with different weather patterns etc. causing differences in schedules!

[grayskies2525]

The Reluctant Reunion |M/M| Chapter 8/13

Word Count: 3,234

Link to all chapters: The Reluctant Reunion

Felix is ashamed to find himself among all the fools who thought it’d be a good idea to leave their houses that day. Connor’s grip on the wheel is tight, and he’s focused entirely on the road. Felix has already seen several cars that have slid into ditches or are stopped on the side of the road. He focuses on his breathing exercises and tries not to think back to the wreck from high school that had happened during a snowstorm.

But Felix’s heart is already pounding in his chest.

The ping from his phone is a welcome distraction. He looks down at the text from Ben. It’s a picture that’s taking a while to load. Even when it does finally load, he struggles identifying what he’s looking at. Ben’s hand is clearly holding … something. Then it clicks.

And Felix grimaces.

The image is of a red bundle of material. Felix is able to make out about half of Chewbacca’s face. He reads the text that accompanies the image.

Ben: Duuuudddeeee. Why the hell did you leave this here? I told you to take it. Do you know how embarrassing it was to take this from Alyssa when she handed it to me? She had no idea she was basically holding a fucking snot rag.

Felix turns to Connor. “Uh, so, it looks like we forgot about the Christmas sweater.”

“Shit,” Connor says, eyes still on the road. “I really wanted to throw that at Ben. Too bad,” he sighs with a shake of his head at the missed opportunity. 

“You know, all this time I’ve known you, I was under the impression that you were — one major misgiving aside — a basically decent person. But it turns out I was super wrong. You’re evil,” Felix says, hating how much warmth — warmth that has no business being there —   manages to sneak into his voice.

Felix sees the corners of Connor’s mouth twitch slightly, but Connor’s focus is obviously focused on carefully maneuvering the vehicle. Felix decides to occupy his time by texting Ben.

Felix: Yikes. You’re probably going to want to just throw that thing out.

Ben: Jordan just picked it up 😭

Ben: Omg I’m gagging. He just unfolded it and, like, the material in the middle was all stuck together like it was GLUED. I’m going to vomit, dude 🤮🤮🤮

Ben: He just realized what the substance all over it is. He dropped it like it was on fire. How dare you do this to me. How dare you embarrass me in front of my new friends like this!

Felix: I mean…. Connor wanted to throw it at your face. So, maybe this is the better alternative 🤷

Ben: I hate you both.

Felix: Hmm I think you need to proofread your texts a little better. Bc there’s no way you said you hate me and Connor when we sacrificed our whole day to help you….

Ben: 😑

Ben: You literally slept the whole time. I hardly call that a sacrifice. Also, I bought you medicine. And tissues. And let you borrow my bed. So, really, I think I’m owed some kind of best friend award

Felix: 🙄 🙄 🙄

Ben: Lmk when you make it home. Weather looks brutal.

Felix:👍 Same to you. Everything’s supposed to turn to ice tonight. Please be careful.

Ben: K. Feel better soon. 

Felix: Thnks 

With texting conversation coming to a natural end, Felix no longer has a distraction from his panicked thoughts. He internally groans when he realizes he’s picking at the skin around his thumb. He hates this nervous habit, but it’s hard to control when half the time he has no idea he’s even doing it.

“Hey,” Connor says, looking over briefly at Felix, giving him a soft smile. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that girl you were with yesterday at my signing. She had blonde curly hair and, um, a lot of energy. She came to my table telling me this story about how her girlfriend was a huge fan of mine but was too sick to come to the signing. She wanted me to give you her Snapchat,” he says, laughing. “Apparently you told her about our, uh, relationship history. Anyway, she said you were “super cute” and she wanted you to reach out to her so she can know if you start feeling better. Oh! And she also gave me that black and gray flannel you had on yesterday. I have it in the backseat. She told me,” he pauses to laugh. “She told me — and I’m doing my best to quote verbatim here —  to ‘watch out for the little snail tracks all over the sleeves.’”

“Oh my god. I’m never catching another cold again. Ever. This has been the most humiliating experience of my life,” Felix groans, rubbing his temples as he listens to Connor’s laughter.

“Anyway, I’ll send the Snapchat info later. I almost didn’t take it because it seemed almost inappropriate? But I saw you talking to her and then she helped you when you fell, so I figured she really did just want a way to reconnect with you.” 

Felix lets out a small wry laugh that, of course, tickles his throat and makes him cough. “She probably just wants to use me as a way to introduce you to her girlfriend. But, yeah, she was sweet. I’ll shoot her a message later.”

Felix’s attention is, once again, redirected to the road when a car in front of them swerves. Connor had been keeping what Felix thought was a safe distance back from all the cars in front of them, but still, Connor has to slam the brakes to keep them from colliding into the swerving car. He’s able to narrowly avoid the collision — the car in front veering off into a ditch. But the sudden stopping causes them to be rear-ended.  

Felix is jolted forward. He hears the crunching of metal and has to shove away all the memories of hearing that same noise when he was a teenager. The force of the collision rocks the car forward. 

“Fuck!” Connor yells, white-knuckling the steering wheel as the car jerks to a stop. 

“Felix, are you okay?” Connor asks in an even, measured tone that still somehow conveys the urgency of the situation.

Felix, adrenaline coursing through him, is focused mostly on regulating his breathing to avoid hyperventilating and trying not to fixate on sounds replaying over and over through his head. So, he just nods.

Connor manages to pull off to the side of the road, turning on his hazard lights.

“Felix, are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, focusing now solely on Felix.

Felix, again, nods, but feels an ache spreading through his head.

“Sweetie, you’re really pale. Please talk to me, okay?”

Felix looks for any hint of a flush at Connor’s use of the endearment, but Felix wouldn’t be surprised if Connor didn’t realize he even said it. Felix clears his throat, and rubs the back of his head. “Uh, yeah. I’m okay. Just… shaken up. It was like back in high school. But it’s fine. And, I guess, being jerked forward like that gave made my headache worse. But, we should check on the people in the ditch. Are you okay?”

Connor’s brows are knitted in concern and his hand reaches out like he’s going to touch Felix, but then he retracts it. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “I’m fine. Just fucking furious at Ben for dragging us out here,” he says, rubbing a hand over his face. “But, yeah, let’s go do that. Or, better yet, I’ll do it. You stay in here where it’s warm. Call 9-1-1, okay?” 

Felix nods, already bringing out his phone. ____

“Could you give me a walkthrough, sir, of what happened?” the officer asks Connor, clipboard in hand.

Felix’s mind drifts away as Connor handles retelling everything to the police officer. It’d taken nearly an hour for the police to arrive. Felix and Connor had barely uttered a word to each other during this time. They’d come to the unfortunate realization that the collision had caused some sort of issue with the car’s heating. Felix remembers Connor muttering words like “blower motor malfunctioning.” It didn’t take long for Felix’s already ridiculously weakened body to start violently shivering. The cold air also served to exacerbate Felix’s runny nose, which had, until the accident, been somewhat alleviated from the cold medicine he’d taken earlier. He bends over to pick up the tissue box that must have been thrown onto the floorboard. He pulls a few out and gives a few gentle blows, not wanting to further irritate his sore nostrils, or bring too much attention to himself.

“Felix?” Connor says, voice permeating through the fog of Felix’s brain.

“What?” he asks with a deep sniff.

Connor smiles softly, and gestures toward the officer. “He asked if you can give a quick rundown from your perspective,”

Felix sees the officer looking at him, expectantly. Felix wipes his nose with the back of his wrist, feeling a foreboding tickle budding. “Uh, yeah. Basically, same as what Conner heh? Sorry. Basically, what Connor said. We hehhhh huuhhhHHH HEH-N’KNGT! HEH-N’xGT!”

He mentally applauds himself for mostly being able to stifle the two sneezes onto the back of his wrist. After his prior explosive performances throughout the day, he’d really thought he’d permanently lost the ability. He assumes it’s due to the DayQuil still coursing through his system. 

He shakes his head in effort to rid himself of the still pervading tickle. He opens his mouth to begin his recounting of the incident, but —

“HEEHH-N’gkkkkt! Sor-sorr-s-heh! Excuse me. But I think I have to sneeze agai-agai-heh? HEH’NKGT’tchoo!”

“Sorry, officer. He’s not feeling well today. I was trying to get him home before the weather got too bad, but, as you can see,” Connor says, gesturing outside the car windows, “we may have missed the boat a little there,” he finishes, offering the officer a charming smile.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully, we can get everything settled here soon enough. I just need to finish up this report,” the officer says, eyeing Felix pointedly.

Felix gives one final stifle before he’s able to start again. “Gosh, sorry. I’ve just got a bit of a cold and I can’t stop sneezing.  Heh-nkGT’choo! Ugh, sorry. But, like Connor said, we were keeping a safe distance from the car in front of us, trying to go slowly because of all the snow. Then the car in front of us heh-g’nkt’choo! Sorry,” he says, pausing to wipe his nose on his wrist. 

“It’s all right, sir. Just continue when you can,” the officer says, though Felix suspects he wants this situation over as much as Felix. The officer is, after all, currently standing outside in a snowstorm. 

“The car in front swerved and —”

This time Felix is interrupted by a rough coughing spell that seems as though it will never end. It causes his nose to run even more than it already was and he desperately needs to blow, but he knows it won’t be subtle, so he wants to avoid it as much as possible. Connor presses a bottle of water into Felix’s hand, which Felix graciously takes a sip of. The coughing finally calms down and he, again, turns to face the officer.

“Um, sorry. The car in front swerved and hehh-ngkt’choo! Hehh-ngk’tchoo! Hehh-g’ NKT-CHOO!” He stops to cough more due to the, quite frankly, aggressive post-nasal drip he’s experiencing. “I’m sorry, I just, uh… I need to blow my nose really qui-ick heh? Really quickly or it won’t heh’nGKT’CHOO! Or it won’t stop.”

This time, he hears a clear, long, drawn-out sigh from the officer. He sees the man tiredly rub a hand over his face and shift from foot to foot, but Felix is too busy emptying his nose to feel any shame about it. The process goes on for a long time, the effects of the DayQuil clearly beginning to wear off.

“Just any time you’re ready, sir,” says the officer, with an unmistakable tone of impatience.

Felix feels heat course through his cheeks at the obvious frustration he’s causing the officer. “Sorry,” he mutters, voice heavily muffled by the tissue firmly still placed against his nose.

“Hey, you don’t have to apologize,” Connor says, tone harsher than Felix is used to hearing, but it’s being directed toward the officer, not Felix. “I’m sure Officer Matheson understands you hardly have any control over cold symptoms.”

Officer Matheson narrows his eyes at Connor. “I’m simply suggesting we try to get this report through as quickly as possible for all our sakes,” Officer Matheson says, shooting Felix a glare, while brushing snow off his eyelids.

“Yeah, okay, heh! Um, the car swerved in front of us. It went into a ditch. Connor had to N’kt! N’kt! N’kt! N’kt! Ow, fuck,” Felix groans at the pain radiating through his head as he stifles the four sneezes against his wrist. “Uh, sorry for the language Officer. I just N’kgt! N’kgxt!”

Felix continues stifling, feeling nausea start to build up at their force and the aggravation they’re causing to his already splitting headache. 

Finally, the officer clears his throat. “All right, let’s just go ahead and finish this up. Felix, right?” At Felix’s weak nod, the officer continues. “Can you confirm that the car in front of you started swerving — likely due to the snow — and Connor, here, had no choice but to brake to avoid colliding with it? Which caused the car behind you to rear-end you?”

Felix manages a nod and a small “Yes, sir.”

The officer nods, seemingly finally satisfied. “All right, gentlemen. Thank you for your cooperation. That’s all I’ll be needing right now. I’ll get the report finished and you should receive copies in a couple of days for insurance purposes. Drive as safely as you can in these conditions. And, you,” he says, nodding to Felix “You honestly shouldn’t have been out at all today, in the first place, if you don’t mind me saying. That cold of yours seems like a pretty nasty one. You shouldn’t be spreading that thing around.”

With that admonishment under his belt, the officer turns away before either of them can offer even a word in their defense. 

Felix sinks down farther into his seat, arms curled tightly around himself in attempts to ease the shivering. 

“Well, wasn’t he delightful?” Connor asks, sardonically, as he looks at Felix, then slowly closes his eyes. 

“In his defense, I’m sure this hasn’t been his first accident of the night,” Felix says, having no reason why he’s defending the guy who reprimanded him as though was a child.

“Doesn’t mean he gets to act like a dick to you,” Connor says, eyes still closed.

“H’N’gxkT’SHEWWW!”

The sneeze came with no warning and was sprayed forcefully, entirely uncovered all over the dashboard. This is, unfortunately, something Felix has become used to in the past couple of days. So, he stares at the splatter across the dash and just sighs.

“We need to get you home and out of this freezing car before you get even sicker. If that’s possible," Connor says, sounding concerned. 

“Home sounds good,” Felix rasps out.

Felix is surprised, though, that Connor is still sitting, gaze fixed on Felix. Felix notices Connor’s fingers tapping along his thigh, something Felix remembering him doing when he was nervous.

“I have a suggestion,” Connor says, the words coming out slowly, his finger tapping away more quickly. “I think it’d take a miracle for me to get you home and to also drive myself back to my own apartment without something else going wrong. So….” he trails off. 

Felix knows he should understand what Connor’s implying, and perhaps, some part of his brain does, but just stares at him, no words springing to mind. Stupid fucking fever, Felix thinks.

“Um, what I’m trying to get at is … I know this is going to come across as inappropriate. As if I have some kind of hidden agenda. I obviously know we’re not together anymore, and I don’t want to violate any boundaries. But Felix, I think it would probably be a good idea if we both spend tonight at my place. It’s only ten minutes away. And I have plenty of food. No offense, but from what I remember, I can almost guarantee your cabinets are bare,” Connor says, giving something between a smile and a grimace. “You don’t have to. I’ll drop you off at yours if that’s what you want. I just want you —  uh, us, — to be safe.”

Felix continues staring at him, yelling at his brain to produce words — any words —  but he can’t stop shivering. He doesn’t know if it’s from his steadily climbing fever, or the fact that he is in quite literally freezing temperatures, right now. And Connor’s rambling again. Connor Hayes is rambling. What seemed cute yesterday is unnerving today. 

Felix, inexplicably, thinks back to the hurt he felt when Connor left; he remembers the last conversation they’d had.

“I love you, but I don’t love you enough, Felix. I’m so sorry. ”

The words float around through his head, the words switching up, jumbling around until they no longer make sense. His shivers are so strong now, his chattering teeth so fiercely, they are making his jaw ache.

He also remembers Connor bringing him coffee in bed every single morning. He remembers the evenings spent with his head on Connor’s chest as Connor read out loud to him. He remembers Connor surprising him by taking him to the reptile store.

 He thinks back to yesterday and all the little moments of care — the soup, the coat, the soothing circles he rubbed on his back.

So many questions are circling through Felix’s fever-addled brain, none of which he’s equipped to answer.

He feels his body slumping forward. He rests his head on his hand. The flu, the weather, the disastrous book signing from yesterday, the car, Connor… It’s too much for his exhausted body. He becomes unable to think, like his brain is just flipping off a switch.                    “Felix, are you all right?” 

Felix searches for a string of coherent words until some are finally falling from his tongue. “I’m… I just —  I just really don’t feel good, Connor,” he says, closing his eyes against the sting of tears.

“Sweetheart? Maybe we should go to the hospital. You said you had a headache and you’re shaking like crazy. Maybe it’s a concussion? I think we should be safe and get you checked out.”

These words, laced with obvious concern, are enough to bring Felix somewhat back to his surroundings. “No. No, hospital. I-I already had a headache before. It’s from this stupid cold — or flu — or whatever the hell it is. I just need some sleep. And to be warm. And, just, for this nightmare of a day to end,” he says through chattering teeth.

“Okay, then. You’ll be warm at my place. And, I think it’s a really good idea, actually, for you to have someone stay with you tonight. Will you let me know if you start feeling dizzy or nauseous?

“Mmm-hmm, yeah,” Felix says, as he rests his head against the freezing window, knowing sleep, once again, is dragging him under against will.

Part 9

[allbeendonebefore]

“For all of that, the notion that Alberta’s politics stifles all dissent, or made queer life impossible was not historically accurate. This research illustrates how the largely middle-class activists and organizers strove to make it safe... to be queer in Edmonton. And it makes plain how much further they had to go than their peers in Saskatchewan and Manitoba.” “It is suggestive of the challenges of being queer in Edmonton that so much energy and resources went into counselling individuals struggling with their sexual orientation and negotiating the commensurate identities issues.”

this is very hard hitting to me because waking up today in this reality was an ordeal. but it makes me think a lot.

i don’t want to glamourize or valourize the difficulty of being queer in the “tough” city too much because i don’t want to fall into the trap of queer life in edmonton = suffering only but. at the same time it makes me reflect a lot on how i’ve perceived and chosen to personify and characterize my city (is it mine yet? has it always been?) in art over the years and so rambles about that follow

i designed Ed in sub-rural high school a few years after returning to Canada from post 9/11 midwestern America when i was filled with this dissatisfaction of being "home” only to discover that my life was matching next to none of the imagined past i had growing up in Edmonton, and trying to reconcile the gap between this mythical multicultural utopia in the Big City just out of my reach that existed only in my memory and this growing awareness of the rest of Canada looking down on us as a province and as a city- as I discovered firsthand in a rural k-9 school (which even this past year was subject to a horrific hate crime), this was not an entirely undeserved reputation.

of course during this time i was dealing with several battles that didn’t occur to me until later as having any real impact on who i was: all my classmates assuming upon barely interacting with me that i was a lesbian on the grounds of not admitting to liking anyone Ever; being referred to as “that” because my gender expression was considered deviant by my peers; grappling with the sexual deviance associated with hobbies at the time that were far far far from the mainstream at this point (anime and online social networks! gasp); protesting bill 44 without a second thought as to how people would perceive me after; coming out as asexual to relative strangers in a time where there were still only 2.5 orientations and identities barely spoken aloud; and graduating (finally!) into Big City University where I was struggling to reconcile things like being a notorious atheist completely against religious fundamentalism with my Not a Sexuality TM with my Yaoi is for Perverts Which I Am Not with my Feminism is Too Political For Me and so on and so forth.

(so you can see why when i was stepping between ultra religious conservative alberta and weird lefty university life i made these characters somewhat ironically with all the yaoi tropes and demanded that they not be shipped together. lmao. what was i thinking honestly. was it a challenge for others or for me? was it the start of a dialogue or the end of one?)

and sequestered as i was in my little southside university life a certain born and raised Edmontonian from an inner city north side school background, as desperate to escape the city as i was to be repatriated to it, decided this was insufficient and thrust me into directly confronting the fears and anxieties i had picked up through osmosis of Scary Downtown Edmonton. It’s not really a coincidence that the two major changes in Ed’s design (his queerness and his Indigeneity) happened at northside transit stops, both at night, in the company of the incorrigible quatschmachen). I remember us joking about Ed as “the gay cousin” after a particular journey to a discount theatre with a distinct sketchy reputation just a hop skip and a jump from the industrial, uh, charm of the meat packing plants and Belvedere LRT station and, naturally, it stuck. The myth in my head was beginning to grasp onto the realities that I had once been disenchanted by and was desperate to cover up. And it stuck.

And it stuck and I spent a long time “justifying” it in my head, because you have to remember up until this point that personifying a place with any “difference” (in ethnicity, ability, etc) or acknowledging the real struggles of being queer in a place outside of the sacrilegiously gay-and-silly and yes subversive heta-verse... it wasn’t acceptable in fandom. It was rarely done and when it was it was often met with extremely virulent hostility, hostility in similar-but-different ways to the hostility i faced for accidentally expressing “difference” that I didn’t realize I was expressing in rural backwater Alberta.

And it stuck and suddenly it became a gateway into this secret untold history of the city.

And maybe I will write more about that as my research progresses. but there you go, a little insight into why I designed Ed the way I did and why I’ve upheld that particular characterization for all these years. And now a decade after designing him exist the citations to back up my choices, on one hand, and the resolve to keep fighting, to keep writing that history in spite of these odds that look insurmountable from the outside.

it’s tough being the tough city but the battles are worth fighting. and that’s why i do what i do.

[thiefbird]

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

The fact that I can have different paragraphs in asks still throws me off, but I wanted to make sure the questions were clear. Have fun!

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

I think Dragonriders of Pern in terms of how long I've loved a canon that I eventually participated in Fandom Circles for; I read it when I was probably 8? Not the books directed at kids, either, the original three books. I do not know what possessed my mother - those books were not child appropriate and probably did Interesting Things to the parts of my brain that developed into kinks. However I did not start participating in Pern fandom until I was like 17 But in terms of actively participating in fandom, either by reading or writing fanfic, I think it's a close tie between Doctor Who(specifically Nine/Jack/Rose) and The X Files, both in late middle school/early high school so about 13/14.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

OKAY we're going to pick a third! I think The Corruption Of Will Graham is a very close to perfect example of how to do a corruption arc. He is so perfectly poised between light and darkness, and he wants so badly to be good - but he also is undeniably attracted to whatever bullshit Hannibal is throwing out(it is 2024 and we're no longer debating this). Will spends the entirety of the second two seasons struggling with this knowledge, and then he falls. It is so very well thought out and filmed.

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Homestuck, Supernatural, Death Note, Kingdom Hearts, Buffy, FFXIV - there are some early 2010s con photos somewhere of Homestuck meetups where I am awkwardly off to the side sitting in a tree because my entire friendgroup was at the meetup and I had nothing better to do.

[magpiemirroring]

I think Gifted programs varied not just by time, but also locations, because the resources you had and the committees that governed your local program would have a lot to do with funding and options.

My elementary school pull-out program (half days away from my regular school) was a smorgasbord of weird creative projects and science experiments and language. It was educational playtime and enrichment for smart kids who parents wouldn't or couldn't let them do the full time program and was honestly the best part of my whole damn k-12 experience in terms of being engaging and actually making a lasting impact on me as a student and as a person. I had a great teacher!

Middle school started to get a little more serious, though I also had a fairly eccentric teacher for my 6th grade class so again things were a little weird and we got some fun bonus opportunities! I was bullied in middle school like every visibly weird kid was and while I had both bullies and friends in my Honors program class and the general school population, it was easier to step away from that and socialize with the art club and find a smaller circle of less pressurized nerds to eat lunch with.

High school was when things started to really suck academically. There was so much homework including during the summer. Everything was basically geared towards priming us to pass the AP tests our senior year. (So much so that after my English AP test, when we still had a month of school left, my teacher pivoted the class to a film appreciation class. Because there was no point in making us read more Shakespeare, but by golly we couldn't do nothing, so let's expose us to movies and make us use those analytical and essay-writing skills!) And yeah, a lot of my peers were super struggling with the need to be A students in a grueling program for students that already excelled at doing schoolwork!

(I was suffering general burn out and was cynical about the educational system by the end of freshman year and was friends with kids in the regular tracks and was fairly comfy getting a C in AP English. I thought that was pretty damn respectable for someone who couldn't be arsed to read half the books and relied on bullshitting and a complete lack of test anxiety to carry me!)

I think a lot of the skepticism and derision toward the idea of "gifted kid burnout" stems from the fact that a lot of folks have no idea what the gifted track in most high schools actually looks like; they've got this mental image, possibly informed by popular media depictions, of "gifted kids" as a privileged group of students who get to go on extra field trips, monopolise the teachers' attention in class, and constantly be told how special they are, but who are otherwise treated identically to all the other kids.

In practice, the gifted track in most high schools – most North American high schools, at any rate – has the same problem as any other educational program: the need to adhere to published metrics. These programs exist for the benefit of students only insofar as those benefits can empirically be measured, which leads to several common outcomes:

Students on the gifted track being afforded fewer choices regarding elective classes – often to the extent of having no choices at all – in order to stream the highest-performing students into the subjects that are most valuable in terms of boosting institutional metrics.

Students on the gifted tracking receiving restricted access to educational resources such as tutoring because it's perceived as a waste of resources. In many cases, gifted students are not only denied access to tutoring, but expected to serve as volunteer tutors and teaching assistants themselves, effectively becoming a source of unpaid educational labour for the schools they attend.

Students on the gifted track being assigned considerably more homework, often literally doubling their workload in an environment where homework loads are already routinely high enough that kids have difficulty finding time to eat and sleep, simply because you get more measurable academic performance data that way.

The upshot is that the gifted track is often less about fun perks and constant praise, and more about receiving less freedom, fewer resources, and heavier workloads than one's peers, getting strong-armed into providing unpaid labour to the school on top of it, and constantly being told one should be grateful for it – and that's without touching on the fact that the unspoken secondary purpose of many gifted programs is to serve as a quarantine for all the neurodivergent kids the school couldn't find an excuse to institutionalise or expel.

Like, shit, there's a reason kids on the gifted track exhibit elevated rates of alcoholism and substance abuse compared to general student populations. That doesn't arise in a vacuum!

(To be clear, I'm not saying that people graduating from high school and immediately having an existential crisis upon realising they're not special after all isn't a thing that happens, but in my experience that's more usually something that happens to the kids who were on the football team, and reframing it as a nerd culture thing is really weird.)

[whimsyprinx]

I feel like the reason I relate and project so much onto faeries, specifically changelings is because I feel so much like them, pretending to be someone I’m not and taking on someone else’s thoughts and opinions and personality and trying so hard to be this person who I’m not and not knowing who I really am beneath it all

[fight4me]

Okay I'm leaving this here now while I'm thinking about it, since I just finished reading your new fic and I'm curious:

Have you got any particular or random headcanons on Maru?

Yes! I actually have more Maru headcannons than I thought. And I probably have a few more that I forgot.

●Is California born and raised.

●I believe his mom is Japanese/American and named Mary and his dad is an American named Dean.

●A little bit about those two: they met in college, Mary was in a nursing program and Dean was working on his business degree. They got married super young while still in college, and pretty soon after that had Maru. Mary put her schooling on hold for the time being, and pursued it again when Maru was old enough for pre-k. Meanwhile Dean got a desk job at an office- everything he thought he wanted. Until one day he realized he hated it- and that the windows were dirty. He left that day and started his own window washing business.

●Mary finished up school by the time Maru was six and started working at a hospital.

●He had a childhood best friend who sadly had to move away to be closer to her Abuela around this time. She was really into astronomy and space and wanted to be an astronaut. Before she moved away she taught Maru about the stars and taught him some basic Spanish. Eventually she did become an astronaut. The two stayed lifelong pen-pals.

●Maru got named after his mom. 'Maru' is kind of similar sounding to 'Mary', plus it's a nod to his Japanese heritage.

●He was a very active child. His parents kinda had a hard time keeping up with him. *also keep in mind his parents are very young parents* but nevertheless, they took it in stride.

●If it turned on, he was taking it apart. Small kitchen appliances were his most frequent victims, especially toasters. But he could put it back together. *usually*

●Loves poptarts. Cinnamon and blueberry are his favorites.

●As far as appearances go, Maru is a carbon copy of his dad. Splitting image.

●One day after school he witnessed his dad be rescued by a helicopter. Dean's window washing equipment falled and essentially... he was hanging on for dear life. However, Maru saw a well orchestrated rescue, from the roles the rescue vehicles on the ground played to the ones in the air. Ever since then he had a respect for helicopters and that was what eventually led him to work with them.

●In middle school he brought an extra apple in his lunch to the meanest ground-vehicle in school for one reason: His dad knew how to weld and that was a skill Maru wanted.

●His parents had another kid when he was in high school. A sister named Imogene. She looks a lot like Maru, but thankfully, for the sanity of Maru's parents, is a lot more chill.

●When he met Nick, he picked up on a lot more Spanish. But he didn't let anyone know he knew some. Sometimes Nick would go off script and say something off the wall in Spanish and Maru would be struggling not to burst out laughing. Nowadays at Piston Peak, secretly knowing Spanish helps him keep tabs on Backout.

●For living in apartments all his life, up until the point of Piston Peak, he adapted to nature very quickly. He's actually pretty in tune with nature. (Not Windlifter level in-tune, but, still.)

Slightly more chaotic headcannons that are most likely humanized:

●He enjoys it when Patch plays Taylor Swift's song Best Day. Especially if it's in autumn. "Cause now I know how the leaves change in the fall." Reminds him of the serenity of the park. However...

●He doesn't exactly enjoy Taylor's newer stuff. It makes his age start showing. It annoys him, he starts yelling and throwing tools. The smokejumpers have figured out exactly to push his buttons. In random situations they'll ask him, "why?" then answer, "Because she's dead!" and proceed to mock him by singing Look What You Made Me Do. (I think this scenario would also be hilarious if they were in their WoC forms.)

●Humanized Maru has broken his nose several times. Just doing stuff around the shop. He always goes to Cabbie to have him reset it. (Why does Cabbie know how to deal with broken noses? I have no idea.) As a result of having broke his nose several times his face looks a little... strange at times. But he's Maru and we all still love him for it :)

Whoa so... that was a lot. I hope I didn't bore anyone to death.

[atravisphilepsclicker]

Can I get comfort from sal? So trans male reader keeps his binder on to long to the point of bruises and pain? You can chose headcanons or a one shot it’s up to you •3•

Summary: Sal comes home from his supermarket job to see you were in your shared bedroom in your shared apartment and asks how long you kept your binder on after you answer him he tries to help you with the pain.

----------------------------

Word Count:1654

Pronouns: he/him

Gender: trans male

Warning: mentions of dysphoria, bruising, back pain and small injury

Modern AU

You both are in high school and Sal has a part-time job at the town Walmart.

Y/N = your name

----------------------------

3rd Person POV

Sal stood in front of the apartment door with the card key in his left hand and was texting the group gc ( with him, todd, larry, ashily, maple and chug ). He turned off his phone and slid the key into the card lock and a small light turned red to green showing that it was unlocked.

Walking into the apartment Sal was met with silence. It didn’t worry him but he wondered where you were when he came home from work you usually were sitting on the couch doing something to pass the time as you waited for him but you weren’t there to give him his usual greeting of “ Hey, Sal, “ or “ Hey, blue! “

Sal then locked the door, took off his shoes, and put them on the boot rack on the door’s left side. Sal stood upright and walked into the living room and that’s when he heard it, “ Oh you’re home, Welcome back! “ Sal heard you greet him from the bedroom. The bedroom door was half open leaving him being able to see you laying on the bed in the room. Sal walked over to the door and opened it and leaned on the door frame.

He looked at you, you were so handsome laying there your legs laying straight on the bed as you scrolled on your phone. You had a tired look on your face and you bet your ass your amazing boyfriend Sal noticed and frowned, furrowing his brow. “ So how was your day today? You look tired. “ Sal asked with a slightly worried tone. You look at him with a small smile and turn off your phone, putting it on the nightstand beside your side of the bed.

“ It was fine I haven’t had a lot of sleep since I was trying to finish the dam book assignment T/N gave us. I did ask todd to help me after I finished pulling out my hair a little. So it’s done now and I won’t have to return to hell for a few days till our next assignment. But other than that I’ve had a fine day. “ You told the blue-haired male that was now on sitting on the bed beside you legs crossed with one hand holding his face listening to you.

You looked at him and asked, “ So how was your day at work? I guess the boss gave you overtime at the store again? “ You asked since he came home 2 hours later than his work schedule had said. “ Yeah, sorry! I tried to get off earlier but she just gave me so many things to do! “ He said annoyed. You leaned on one side wincing at the bit of pain moving gave you and Sal noticed. Sal was not a genius but when he saw you do that it didn’t take long for him to remember the last time a few months ago you didn’t take off your binder for longer than it intended. “ Hey, love how long have you had your binder on? “ He asked with tones of worry in his voice. You saw his eyes through the mask, they looked worried for you, the love of his life.

You sigh and close your eyes not wanting to see his reaction, “ 12 hours. “ You say quietly, almost in a mumble. “ Take it off. “ Sal told you with a stern pained voice. You were hesitant not wanting to have terrible dysphoria again, I mean that the entire reason you have had that on for so long and you both knew it. It took a little time to think but you finally surrendered. “ Fine…” You said with an upset sigh. You sat up quickly sending a jolt of pain down your spine making you lay back down and groan in pain. Sal quickly moved over to you and held your arm with one hand. “ Do you need me to help get up? It must be really painful to move. “ Sal asked rubbing circles on your arm. You make a pained smile, “ That would be really nice of you blue, thank you. “

Sal moved, straightening his back. “ Okay, first let’s sit you up just tell me when you’re ready to move and ill put my hand behind your back and push you up slowly. “ Sal told you. You waited for a minute for the pain to die down a little and told him you were ready. Sal slid his hand under the lower side of your back knowing your upper back must be in so much pain right at the moment.“ K, one...two...three! “ Sal started to move you up slowly and steadily.

Once you sat up Sal helped you lean your back on the backboard of your bed. After that Sal got off the bed and stood beside you. “ You alright? “ He asked squatting down to lead his head in your lap. “ Yeah, I’m fine just in a little bit of pain but no worries! “ You answer as you twirl a few of Sal’s soft blue locks in your fingers. “ Well...if you’re sure you’ll be fine then do you think we could try to stand you up and get that binder off of you? “ He asked in a caring tone. “ Yeah, we could try but I think I might fall over if I do. “ You cucked. SaL then stood up and held both of your arms. “ You know you don’t need to hold me like this right? “ You say as you steadily move up wincing at the pain your binder gave you to move. “ I know I just want to make sure you’re safe and won’t get hurt more than you already are. “ He started concentrating on getting you to stand up. Once you finally stood up he started getting your shirt off as you looked away embarrassed and disgusted. “ Why are you okay seeing my disgusting body? “ You aked as Sal threw your shirt on the bad behind you both. He looked bad at you and put his hand on your face and started rubbing small shapes with his thumb, “ Because I love you, and your handsome body, love. You are anything but disgusting! You're my handsome attractive boyfriend and that's what you'll always be to me, even if you hate how you look ill help you show that you're beautiful! And hey, we can always start saving up for surgery to get them removed if you really want. I’ll do anything to make you happy and I want you to know that but for now, we just need to get that binder off of you. “ He told you. You started to tear up as he started taking it off of you and finally broke down as he also put that down with the discarded shirt. “ Thank you. I love you! “ You cried on her shoulder.

“ Shhhh it’s okay….how about I give you a nice massage to relieve some of the pain? “ Sal asked calming you down slightly. You sniffed a bit and then looked at him with tear stains down your face. “ Yeah, that would be nice….” You said as you lay down in the middle of the bed. Sal sat down beside you and rolled up his sleeves. He first put his hands on your shoulders, thankfully they were warm and he started messaging the notes out. It felt good and you gave a big sigh. He then moved to where your bruises and cuts are from the binder. His hands became softer on your skin and he was careful to relieve some of the pain not give you some more. You felt a wave of relief when the pain died down you didn't even notice when Sal stopped till he said something to you. “ I'm going to get some ointment to put on the bruises! “ He told you walking out of your bedroom.

You stare at the wall in front of you as you listen to his movement, him opening the bathroom door then him opening the cupboard and moving some things around till he found the ointment. You looked over at the door as Sal walked in medicine in hand. He sat back down beside you were still laying on your stomach. “ This is going to be cold on your skin. “ He said opening the medicine and putting some on his finger. He put some on a large bruise and yeah, he was right, it's fucking cold. You wince at the cold feeling on your skin but you soon get used to the feeling as Sal rubbed it in more.

Soon enough he was done and you were tired mentally and physically. You look at your wonderful boyfriend beside you scrolling on his phone. “ You think we can cuddle? “ You ask looking at him with i tired and pained face. “ He turned off his phone and looked at you with beautiful and caring eyes. “ Sure, love! Let me just take off my mask. “ He told you unclipping the clips under his hair. You didn't even really notice he still had it on but was happy he's still comfortable taking it off around you. After setting his mask down on the nightstand he layed his back on the backboard and moved his arms out waiting for you to come in his arms. You crawled over to Sal and went into his comforting arms. You both stayed there in the quiet only sounds of small movement and breathing in air. Soon enough your eyes started getting droopy and you started letting out cute yawns. You hear Sal chuckle and you say a quick shut up before your eyes closed for good and you fell fast asleep going into an amazing and magical dream.

Now you both were together and that wouldn't change ever even if either of you struggles with things or life throws things at you you'll always be there for each other, from now and forever.

----------------------------

Pictures

Sal Fisher- https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/496873771387590071/

----------------------------

Sorry if this was terrible! I honestly loved writing this but was having some trouble getting my ideas down on the computer so it might seem quite bad, but hopefully, this helps even a little and have a great day/afternoon/night and remember to stay hydrated!

[chilligyu]

info: lee jihoon/gender neutral reader, pg, best friends to lovers au genre: fluff, romance | word ct: 5.5k warnings: none summary: when it came to love, no one was prepared. not even jihoon, who could spend hours turning words into magic, especially when love was mysteriously delivered in the form of a letter to his locker. note: heavily inspired by to all the boys I've loved before, but with a twist! no love triangles or anything like that, so just enjoy awkward people falling in love! and thank you to @dreamystuffers and @starlightjoong for taking a sneak peek and telling me what you think!

tagging: @xfirebenderx, @moriiyun, @ohmygoshcheese, @gyu-log

Lee Jihoon, a genius in many ways, was never good when it came to words. At least, not the spoken kind. The kind that you had to think up on the spot, responses, answers, comebacks, small talk, he was absolutely terrible at it. But if you gave him the time to think, to really dwell on his thoughts, he could create something truly beautiful. Which was why he preferred to express his feelings with letters. And while, yes, he could pen something magnificent, the next great classic novel perhaps, he typically kept his messages short and to the point. Much like the man himself.

There was one time that he wrote a “letter” that was simply—

F U C K Y O U

—printed out on seven separate sheets of paper and taped to a row of lockers. All in response to a teacher confiscating his iPod. No one could prove it was him, though, and nothing happened in response to it. He never admitted to his crimes, and despite it being painfully obvious who the author of the message was, there was no hard proof pointing to the culprit. It became the most well-known secret at their high school. And Lee Jihoon became somewhat of a living legend because of it.

The only one who knew the truth was you. His best friend. You were his go-to when it came to proof reading all of his letters. He was the writer, you were the editor. Half the time you were also a berating parent, chastising him for trying to assault people with words. Which was also why, more often than not, his letters never got sent. He would sit in his room for hours, writing letters that were either half the length of novels or only a few sentences long, and after giving it over to be edited, it would get tucked away in his desk drawer. Never to be seen or heard from again.

See, Jihoon was an emotional person. Not in the sense that most people would assume, he didn’t get offended easily, one mean comment wouldn’t leave him crying, he was simply—emotional. Whatever he was feeling, whether it be good or bad, it was powerful, sometimes overwhelming. So instead of erupting like a hormonal volcano, which he had already done plenty of, he put his emotions to paper. At the behest of his aforementioned best friend.

“You can’t go around yelling at people.” You began one afternoon just after entering high school. “Even if you’re writing it down, you’re still yelling at people.”

Jihoon, the definition of “hard to read”, was visibly pouting. “You’re the one who told me to write down how I feel. Now I can’t even send these to anyone?”

“I mean, you can.” You backpedalled. “I’m not your mother, despite Seokmin’s insistence. I can’t stop you from doing anything you’ve set your heart to. All I can do is advise you not to because you’re going to have a terrible few years here if everyone hates you.”

He clearly wasn’t thrilled by your logical response, but he admitted defeat anyway. “Fine. Don’t send the letters that I write. I get it. No one wants to read them.”

You groaned loudly. “You are so dramatic. I’m saying don’t send the literal hate mail to people. Don’t send the stuff you write to vent out your feelings. But if there’s something you want to say to someone, something that you can’t bring yourself to say out loud, by all means! Send the thing! I know you loathe the idea of talking to people, you also hate being misunderstood more.”

He also hated how well you knew him, not that he would ever say that out loud.

That was also something he wrote down in a letter, one he decided to send.

You crumpled it up immediately and threw it back at his face.

“Letters are powerful things, Jihoon.” You added. “They can break hearts, mend souls, and change lives with nothing more than words. Because words mean so many different things to so many different people. You just gotta say the right ones.”

At first, he was only humoring you. Honestly, he thought you completely senile until he gave it a shot. After spending hours hunched over his desk writing things no one else would see, he was starting to realize that maybe you had a point. Instead of roaming the halls shouting obscenities in his head, he was able to reassure himself by knowing he could write about it later. Even the smallest grievance, he would write it down. He would sometimes scribble it down on the margin of a textbook if he was feeling particularly overwhelmed in the middle of the day.

The letters became his therapy, his outlet, eventually he could stroll past some annoying upperclassmen and not feel rage coursing through his veins. It was—nice, almost. Not being subjected to his own hectic imagination at every turn. Feeling at peace for the first time in what felt like ages.

Until he found a letter in his locker, one addressed to him during his senior year. From a secret admirer. The contents of which would be seared into his memory for the remainder of time.

Lee Jihoon, it began.

I have never been able to tell you how I feel, in person or in a letter. For several months now, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to write letters like you for so long, and I just can’t get the words right. I don’t know how you do it. So I’m going to do something different. I’m going to stop being scared. If you meet me in the courtyard after school, I’m going to be brave for the first time in my life. Please help me be brave, Jihoon.

Again and again, he read that short letter. Practically baffled that someone out there wrote an honest-to-god letter that was addressed to an honest-to-god person. And that he wasn’t the writer, that he was the recipient. The thought alone made his heart race, and to comprehend that this secret admirer perhaps harbored feelings towards him? It was next to impossible. But no one writes a letter without true emotion behind it. That’s a fact he was coming to understand.

“I need you to come with me.” He told you after showing you the letter. “I’m—I’m not sure I can do this alone.”

You rolled your eyes. “Jihoon, obviously this person doesn’t want to make a public event out of their confession. You should really do this without me.”

“I know, and I’m not asking you to stand at my side or anything.” He reiterated. “Can you like—stand in a bush or something? If I know that you’re there I won’t feel the need to—"

“Did you just ask me to stand in a bush?” You guffawed. “You did not just ask me to stand in a bush Lee Jihoon because if you did then you’re about to get your ass kicked into next year!”

“I didn’t mean literally!” He quickly denied when he did, in fact, mean it literally. “Just—stand around the corner, okay? Be my moral support!”

Pursing your lips, you knew that there was no getting out of this. “Alright, fine. I’ll come with you. But I’m not happy about it.”

“I’ll pay you back, I promise.” He swore. “Have I ever told you that you’re the best?”

A smirk teased at your lips. “You could mention it more.”

“Consider it done.” Jihoon grinned, gathering up his things and heading for the door. “Don’t forget! After school! Courtyard! Don’t be late!”

Once he was gone and you were completely alone, your face fell in disappointment. “I wouldn’t dream of it…”

By the time that school was finally over for the day, Jihoon was a bundle of overactive nerves. He was excited and terrified and anxious and nauseous all at once. The bombarding sensations kept him cemented in place, gripping the edge of his desk until his knuckles were about to burst through. He had been like that for the entirety of their last class, still as a statue as a cold sweat broke out across his brow. You were standing in front of him, head tilted and wondering what he was planning to do next.

“Class is over.” You reminded him. “Everyone’s left.”

Very slowly, he nodded. “Y-yeah. I can see that.”

His voice sounded as if it had been completely stripped down. Like he had screamed himself hoarse by saying those few words.

“Your secret admirer is probably waiting.” You tried to spur him. “We should get going before I change my mind and head home.”

He audibly swallowed past a lump in his throat. “Well—maybe that’s best. Yeah, I can wait until tomorrow.”

You eyed him incredulously. “You’re going to stay here until tomorrow. You’re insane, get up.”

“I’d rather not.”

“And I’d rather not grow old and die here.” You countered. “C’mon, Jihoon. Your admirer asked you to help them be brave, how exactly is this helping them?”

He had to admit, you had a point. If they were brave enough to put their feelings out there, he had to at least meet them half way.

Sighing loudly, he started to pry his fingers off his desk. “Alright, fine. We’ll do things your way.”

You rolled your eyes for perhaps the hundredth time. “You’re absolutely insufferable. Why do I hang out with you?”

“Because I’m funny.” He said with the most serious face in the world.

Which actually made you laugh.

“I hate you.” You chuckled. “C’mon, let’s get going while we’re still young.”

Jihoon inhaled and exhaled deeply to calm himself down.

This is just the beginning.

Except—it wasn’t.

He stood in the courtyard, seemingly alone, with the note that brought him there clutched tight in his hand. As his moral support you were keeping your distance, as promised, but no one else joined you. Minutes passed and he did his best to remain hopeful. It was hard, especially when a familiar voice nagged at the back of his mind. The same one he struggled with every day to ignore.

No one would ever like you, so why did you bother thinking otherwise?

While the negative thoughts slowly took over, Jihoon didn’t know what to do next. He was defeated, almost destroyed. And even though you walked up behind him and took his hand in yours, it did little to stop the bitter tears from welling in his eyes.

“I should’ve known…” He whispered angrily. “This was all just—a joke. It’s always a joke. Who could ever like me?”

“Stop it, Jihoon.” You hissed at him, squeezing his hand tighter. “They said they were scared, maybe they couldn’t follow through with it. Maybe they were afraid of being rejected. You never know what’s going through someone’s head. Don’t beat yourself up, okay?”

Nothing you said was going to make him feel better. He quickly wrenched himself from your grip and backed away from you.

“I’m going home.” He clipped. “Bye.”

Before he left, he made sure to crumple up the note and toss it at your feet. When his heart was broken, he wore it on his sleeve. You understood what Jihoon was feeling, he had been living with an extremely low self esteem due to his height and his general inability to make friends for as long as you knew him. He was quiet, shy, reserved, he was slow to open up to others and hesitant to trust. That’s why you tried to be excited for him, and now that things hadn’t gone as planned in more ways than one your heart ached just like his.

The next day, Jihoon strolled into class like a drunk zombie. By the looks of him, he hadn’t slept a wink. Too busy being destroyed by his own thoughts to bother with anything like sustenance or sleep. He took up his seat beside you, and you immediately shoved your desk into his.

“Still upset?” You asked, even though you already knew the answer.

Sluggishly he lifted his head up and then quickly dropped it back down.

It was worse than you thought.

“Are you going to talk to me today?” You teased in an attempt to get a reaction. “Or am I going to have to go bother Hansol?”

Grumbling slightly, the barely responsive mass that was your best friend raised his hand and dropped a crumpled wad of paper on your desk. At first, you assumed it was just another one of his letters. They weren’t uncommon when he was feeling—unwell.

But it was another note from his secret admirer.

You were startled because he didn’t usually stop at his locker in the morning.

Lee Jihoon, it started similarly.

I’m sorry for not showing up yesterday, I was scared. I couldn’t bring myself to face you, please don’t be mad at me. I’d like to keep writing you letters, if that’s okay. Let’s get to know each other and maybe one day I can be brave again.

Once you were finished reading, you immediately began analyzing Jihoon’s face again. You had never seen him look like this before, completely vacant. While he was hard to read to the entire world, he was always an open book to you. Now reading him was nearly impossible even with your expertise.

“What are you gonna do?”

He shrugged lazily. “I don’t know. Sit here for the rest of eternity. Wait for the soft embrace of death.”

“Jihoon.” You exasperated. “We both know you’re not actually going to do that.”

Except he actually might and you actually couldn’t take that chance.

“Are you going to write them a letter?” You tried, again. “Maybe that will work out better.”

“I already did.” He murmured. “I don’t think they want to read it though.”

“Jesus Christ…” You groaned loudly, taking Jihoon’s face in your hands and looking him dead in his lifeless eyes. “They still like you, they’re scared and human like the rest of us, it is not the end of the world! Give them another chance and stop being such a goddamn drama queen!”

Silence. Pure unadulterated and perfectly aggravating silence.

“Alright, you leave me no choice. I’m bringing out the big guns.”

Being careful to keep an eye on the teacher, you pulled out your phone and started texting Jihoon’s mother. According to your message, you and Jihoon were going to be studying late at the library, and he would probably need to spend the night at your house. Which wasn’t a complete lie, maybe you would get some studying done. But, in all honesty, you had other things in mind.

“Take your pick.” You instructed, a box set in each hand. “Descendants of the Sun, or Record of Youth.”

Immediately after school, you dragged your best friend to your house and sat him down in front of the TV. Your parents didn’t even question it when you told them this intervention was a matter of life and death, that the patient might need to be admitted for the night. They simply let you do what needed to be done.

Jihoon, who had been relatively catatonic for the past 24 hours, finally showed a glimmer of something. He gave the slightest suggestion of a nod towards Descendants of the Sun and you happily popped in the first disk. As you claimed a spot beside him, popcorn and banana milk in tow, he naturally relaxed against you. You were the only person who got to see him unguarded like that, the only person he himself would allow. And while he was typically someone who kept his true self hidden from the world, there was a part of him that would forever belong only to you.

“Thanks.” He practically whispered, resting his head on your shoulder. “I—I needed this.”

“I know.” You smiled. “Are you ready to talk yet?”

He sighed heavily. “No. Not really. I still have a lot of thinking to do.”

“Well, if you need help thinking you know where I’ll be.” You offered without wanting to seem pushy.

If you weren’t mistaken, you could’ve sworn he actually chuckled.

“Yeah. I do.”

Little by little, your best friend was slowly returning to normal—or as close to normal as you’ve ever seen him. Eventually he started getting sucked into the drama, going rigid when things got tense, and actively pretended he wasn’t crying whenever You Are My Everything played. It was, overall, a job well done. You could sleep easy knowing that Jihoon would be just fine. As you drifted off, you felt him hold your hand and squeeze it gently.

Everything was going to be okay.

And if only to prove that point, the next day was nothing like the one before. Jihoon was back to his old self as if nothing had happened at all. Just another Thursday without a word or whisper about the chaotic tornado his secret admirer had unleashed onto your day-to-day life. He even had a letter for you to read by the time lunch rolled around. Apparently, some freshman irritated him over something seemingly small. At least—to you it seemed barely worth mentioning. But nothing ever really felt small to Jihoon. It was all or nothing, always living in black and white. Which meant that almost everything was important to him in some way. So you read the letter, and you edited it gladly.

Once you were done, he had something else for you. Another note from the admirer.

“This is the third one, right?” You murmured, glancing it over once before looking up at him. “Have you written back yet? Besides the one where I assumed you insulted their very existence with your entire arsenal of hurtful words.”

The blush crawling up his neck was an answer in and of itself, but the thick stack of paper he pulled out of his backpack solidified it.

“I’ve tried a few times.” He admitted hesitantly. “Nothing I write is good enough.”

“Oh, only a few times?” You teased, knowing full well that Jihoon’s definition of a few was the same as calling Jane Eyre a short shopping list. “What’s got you so stuck? Usually you have no issues penning essays over trivial things like cracks in the sidewalk.”

His brow furrowed defiantly. “Hey, proper sidewalk and road maintenance is important to modern infrastructure. If we start overlooking cracks in the pavement, then what? What about traffic lights? Can we afford to allow a single bulb to go out? No, of course not. That’s anarchy.”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“Jihoon…” You started with an exasperated look. “I was joking.”

Trying to hide the fact that his blush was turning a deep crimson, and failing quite miserably, he pulled a paper from the stack and put it back in his bag. Also something he tried, and failed, to hide from you.

“Are you kidding me!” You laughed, raking a hand down your face. “Did you seriously have a letter in that pile you were going to send to our congressman?”

“No—yes—ugh!” He groaned. “Can we forget about the stupid sidewalk for a second! That’s not important right now! Help me! How do I do this?”

Deciding you had teased your best friend enough, you placed your chin in your hand and smiled at him. “How do you do what, exactly? I’ve never had anything to do with the letters you write, I just read them so someone knows how you’re feeling.”

Who were you kidding, you could never tease Jihoon enough.

He rolled his eyes so hard that he rolled his whole head with them. “Like you’ve ever needed further insight into my head, you always know what I’m thinking before I do.”

True.

“But I don’t understand the first thing about—this.” He finished with a labored sigh, gesturing sharply to the handwritten novel in front of him. “You know that better than anyone.”

Again, he was telling the truth. In the years you had known Jihoon he had never developed serious feelings towards someone else. He had barely entertained the notion since entering high school. He always talked himself out of it because feelings were complicated and bothersome. Plus, he was terrified of being rejected. Like most people are. His intrusive thoughts just so happened to be louder than most.

“I hate to break it to you, Jihoon,” You started in a whisper, “no one knows the first thing about this. Not even me. The only person who can help you is yourself.”

His sour expression made it obvious that he obviously didn’t like your response. “Great. Super helpful. Thank you for your continued wisdom.”

When he moved away from you, you grabbed him by the sweater and pulled him back in. “Why do you always stop listening to me when I’m about to make my point?”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “Because it takes you forever to fucking get there.”

“Alright, you got me there.” You chuckled. “Listen, I’m not kidding when I say that you’ve got to do this one on your own. As much as I can usually sense what feelings are doing somersaults in your stomach, this is a first for you and therefore a first for me. I’ve never seen you like this before, so unfortunately you’ve got to discover this one on your own.”

As you spoke, his features slowly softened until all that remained was a very nervous teenager who didn’t want to screw up his first real chance at love. That’s all Jihoon was at his core, that’s all anyone was.

But you had to admit he almost looked kind of cute.

Almost.

“How do you always know what to say?” He grumbled while crossing his arms. “It’s annoying.”

“You’ve got a really weird way of saying thank you.” You smirked playfully. “Well, maybe this last nugget of advice will get you started in the right direction.”

“Why are you always—” He seethed through his teeth. “How are you still not at whatever your point is!”

You shrugged, because you honestly had no clue. “I'll get there when I get there. You want to hear it or not—”

“Spit. It. Out.”

“Now is that anyway to—”

Wow. You stopped, suddenly fearing for your measly life. If looks could kill—

“Alright, alright, you win.” You conceded. “If you’re having issues writing a letter to your secret admirer, here’s my advice. Stop trying to put words to your feelings and start putting feelings into words. You’re spending too much time trying to say it perfectly that you’re not saying it at all. It doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else, it doesn’t even need to make sense to you. So long as you put them out into the world, they’ll be heard and one day they’ll be understood. You get me?”

The look on his face was—strange. You had a hard time placing it, which should’ve been weirder than it was. In fact, you were seeing lots of different sides to Jihoon lately, sides you never thought existed. This time his eyes widened, the aforementioned scarlet blush had disappeared, and there was a radiance to him that you had never seen before. Like suddenly he could see clearly through the storm of his thoughts.

“Thank you.” He exhaled with a smile. “I’ve never thought about it like that before.”

Feeling triumphant, you wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I’m starting to wonder what you’d do without me, Jihoon. Three days and you’ve been completely undone and redone by this letter.”

“Letters are powerful things.” He muttered. “They can break hearts, mend souls, and change lives. You taught me that.”

“I guess I’m a pretty good teacher.” You boasted, giving him a squeeze. “Despite the fact that I’m actually quite terrible with words.”

He shrugged off your arm. “Except you always know what to say, how exactly does that work?”

“Just because I can make you see reason doesn’t mean I’m good with words.” You laughed easily. “That simply means that I’ve perfected the art of understanding the impossible. Lee Jihoon. I can’t use words like you do. Trust me I’ve tried, I can never get the words right.”

For a moment, he didn’t have any sort of response. Which was definitely weird. It was a well-known fact that he was terrible with the sorts of words he had to speak, but he didn’t have issues when talking to you. That’s because you were friends, best friends. There had never been this sort of unnerving silence before. Not that you could remember, anyway.

What is going on in your head, Jihoon? You found yourself wondering since you couldn’t read his face. Have you started to figure it out?

“Sorry, I was thinking.” He muttered suddenly, shaking his head. “But I know what I need to write now. Will you read this one too? Even if it gets pretty long?”

“Of course!” You exclaimed with a smile. “When have I ever shied away from a challenge?”

The soft glisten in his eyes made your heart flutter.

“Never.”

When the bell rang and you parted ways, you wondered if Jihoon had ever written you a letter.

Well there’s a first time for everything.

For the next week, he was in full writer mode. And there were no more notes from his secret admirer, not that you expected there to be any. Every chance he got he was scribbling something down on whatever surface he could get his hands on. Textbooks, paper, his arm, he was more inspired than you’d ever seen before and nothing was going to stop him. He didn’t even come over to your house over the weekend, a ritual you hadn’t broken in the ten plus years you had known each other. It was a lonely week, for sure, but you knew it was for a good cause.

Then, after what felt like an eternity of silence, he approached you in the courtyard with a single sheet of paper in his hand.

“Hey…” He started uneasily, his grip tightening. “How’re you?”

Seriously? You mused to yourself with a smile. “I’m good, how’s the writing?”

“Done.” He clipped. “And—I think I covered everything.”

“Are you sure?” You asked, eyeing the sheet of paper. “With all of that writing I thought you’d have a novel for me.”

He shook his head, while a blush crawled up his neck. “Sometimes being concise is more effective than being overly wordy.”

“That’s true.” You grinned. “Easier for me to edit anyway.”

Nodding, he shoved the paper into your hand. “Here. Take your time, I don’t want you to rush it.”

“I won’t.” You promised, resisting the urge to start reading right away. “I know you put a lot of thought into this.”

With that, he turned around and walked off without another word. Leaving you holding something that looked like little more than pen ink on paper, but felt like a confession on fire. Once he was out of eyesight, you exhaled a breath you had been holding unintentionally and started reading.

To the person I have never loved before. It began, and you weren’t prepared for the roller coaster you had willingly climbed into.

This isn’t for the person I’ve loved all along, no. This is for you, someone who managed to stir my emotions more than a raging monsoon with only a few words and the hint of a promise. Who are you? I wondered to myself, because you were without equal. How could I have missed you? You were extraordinary. You didn’t have a face, all I had of you was a letter slipped into my locker, you were a ghost and I was set ablaze by your words. I had never felt like that before, my heart was unprepared. As was I. You made me question everything, and made me realize things I had never seen before.

What I felt for you wasn’t love, even though I thought it was at first. You presented me with feelings I decided I would never feel, so I could only assume that it was love. I felt like a live wire, ready to spark at a moment's notice. All I could think about was you. The infinite options and scenarios I dreamt up, all because of you, was astronomical. It was exhilarating, and I found myself drunk on the endless possibilities that you presented me. What else could make me feel that way, if it wasn’t love?

The answer was one I didn’t expect, and it hit me like a tsunami. I started to feel that way towards someone I already know. Someone who has cared for me more than anyone should, they have been my best friend for years so how could I suddenly feel the same way? How could my friendship for them become intertwined with the love I thought was solely reserved for you? And how could I have missed it after being enveloped by their warmth for so long?

You changed all of that. You made me see clearly for the first time in years and I was completely undone. Everything I knew was suddenly challenged, my feelings towards the most important person in my life changed without any warning, and I didn’t know what to do. How could I ask them, a friend, to see me as anything more? I was lost, trapped in an endless loop of destructive thoughts and desire. Desperately wanting to scream my feelings from the rooftop while fearing the voice that would have to put words to them. Your feelings for me awakened my feelings for them, and suddenly the words that have given me comfort for so long escaped me.

Still, you helped me.

In ways I can only thank with this letter.

You helped me because you are the one who told me to start writing letters. It’s always been you. You are the one who has given my thoughts meaning when I struggled to communicate with the world. One that could never understand someone like me. You are the one who wrote me a letter, asking a coward to help you be brave. It took me a while to realize that you were one and the same, but I picked up on the hints you left behind. I’m sorry it took me this long to figure it out.

Would you have showed up had I not asked you to come with me? I think about that often, were you only afraid because my initial thought was that there was no way it could be you? The impossible notion that my best friend could love me anymore than they already do? I have a thousand more questions I want to ask you, but I think I’m brave enough now to ask you in person.

So I’m going to end this letter here, because you deserve so much more than the words I’ve hidden behind for years. A letter I started to write for someone I thought I didn’t know, to the person I’ve never loved before. Funny, how it ended up being a letter to the person I’ve loved all along.

As you read the last line, tears already streaming down your face, you had never felt happier.

“You figured it out.” You whispered, almost in disbelief. “For a second there I thought you never would.”

You don’t know when Jihoon came back, but he was suddenly standing in front of you taking your hand in his. “It really shouldn’t have taken me that long, I’ve only seen your handwriting a thousand times before.”

Laughter bubbled past your lips as you dried your tears with your sleeve. “I was terrified that you would’ve figured me out from the very beginning. Looks like I really give you too much credit sometimes.”

“You do.” He agreed. “So, what did you think of the letter? Any edits you can think of?”

“This isn’t the type of letter that needs editing.” You stated plainly. “It would take away from the author’s meaning.”

“What would that be?” He asked, clearly teasing you. “Enlighten me.”

You shook your head defiantly. “No, no way. It’s your letter, why don’t you tell me what it’s supposed to mean?”

Part of him didn’t want to make it easy, that much you knew with absolute certainty. But, for the sake of time and your poor heart, he would let you off the hook. Just this once.

“That I love you.” He said softly. “More than anything else.”

Choking out a sob, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in close.

“I love you too, Jihoon.”

In the end, neither of you were good with words, but you only needed to know what to say to each other.

[goddesswritings]

Sins of Lovers - Colby Brock | Part One

Title: Sins of Lovers – Part One

Pairing: Colby Brock x Reader

Summary: Y/n has had a crush on Colby since middle school and now it’s ten years later when he comes back into her life. He’s back in the most unexpected way and the most unexpected of things happens between the two of them.

Word Count: 4.8 k

Warnings: Cheating parents, divorce, bullying, horrible parenting, moody Colby. 

This is an old fic that I think fits Colby. Enjoy.

MASTERLIST

********

Colby Brock. A guy that had been your crush since eighth grade, when he’d moved to town. There was something about him that called you back to him time and time again. He was a kind soul with a passion for life. He was someone you felt you could get along with.

But his whole attitude changed when the two of you started high school. He quickly became cold and rude. Quickly climbing the social ladder to join ranks with the most popular students in the school. These were the same people who bullied you and your friends.

It should have ended your crush on him, but it didn’t. The crush only seemed to grow as you watched him from afar. You would catch glimpses of the old him from time to time, which gave you hope that he was still in there.

Sophomore year, his attitude worsened, and he grew meaner to the people around him. News got around that his parents had divorced because his dad had been having an affair behind his mother’s back. It was also known she left town and now he was stuck with his father. He began to join in on the bullying, proving his new standing in school. During this time, you still watched him and searched for glimpses of the old Colby. They were becoming far and few.

Junior year, he started dating Paige Marcus, the IT girl of the school. All the boys wanted her and most of the girls wanted to be her. She was your personal tormentor and she had been for years. She’d taken a dislike to you in fourth grade, when you got the lead in the class play that year. That girl hated you more than anyone thought was possible.

It was a real heartbreak the first time you’d seen Colby and Paige walking hand in hand down the hallway. Your smile had faded, and you wanted to just cry. All over a boy who had never taken a notice to you. Especially because you were just some nerdy girl and he was now popular.

One day, you had been late to school, so you had to rush to get to class. As you ran through the hallway to get to class in time. You ran into Colby, literally. You collided hard with his built form, falling onto your ass.

Colby just simply looked down at you and laughed. “You should watch where you’re going, nerd.” He growled when anger flashed through his eyes.

Paige was hanging on his arm and glaring at you, as per usual. “Yeah loser, you really should watch where you’re going. My boyfriend didn’t need to be inconvenienced by you.” What was she? Colby’s parrot?

Paige laughed and kicked my books across the hallway. Colby laughed along with her, and pain flashed through my chest. “There better not be a next time.” He grumbled before stepping over you and walking away with Paige beside him.

Tears welled up in your eyes, misting up your glasses. You had been so embarrassed that day. You’d hoped it would end your crush on him, but it didn’t.

Senior year, Paige set out to personally destroy you at every chance she got. Colby was by her side each time, laughing along with her. That year was absolute hell for you. There was no escape from Paige’s wrath.

The worst day nearly broke you.

It was the middle of January and it had just snowed, making the town a frosty wasteland. There was a fire drill shortly after third period began and everyone was ushered out to the cold.

You stood with your class minding your own business when Paige approached you, dragging you from the other students. You’d struggled against her, not knowing why she had pulled you away.

“What do you want?” You asked while her nails dug into your arm.

“Just teaching you a lesson.” She said as you stopped next to a huge frozen snow bank.

“Why do you have to do this to me, Paige?” You questioned when she stole your glasses from your face. “No, give those back.” You attempted to reach for them, but the blurriness had taken over. As you were about to grab them, she threw them to her friend, Cassie. So you moved to get them from her, but she was keeping you from being able to retrieve them.

“Give me my glasses!” Your voice was loud because you were angry the snickering bitches had stolen them from you.

Suddenly, Cassie dropped them to the ground and stepped on them. A crunch could be heard as she ruined your chance for clear vision.

“Oops, my bad.” Cassie spoke while she continued to wreck your glasses.

“Stop! Why are you doing this?” Tears had begun to gather in your already blurry eyes.

“Oh look, we have a cry baby on our hands.” Paige taunted before pushing you towards the ground.

Your left hand went out to catch you, making contact with the frozen ground before your body weight came crashing down onto it. A sharp pain shot through your wrist, making you cry out as the pain hit. Paige and Cassie were just cracking up the whole time.

The world was blurry around you as you lifted your hand from the ground. Pain radiated through your arm, starting from your wrist.

“What are you guys doing?” A familiar voice cut through the two girls’ laughter. It was Colby and you were afraid he was here to join in on the torture.

“Oh baby, we were just teaching Y/n a lesson.” Paige answered in a supposedly sweet voice, but anyone could hear the venom hidden in her words.

“By breaking her glasses and hurting her?” He suddenly sounded mad.

“It’s just a joke.” Paige tried to sound like it wasn’t as big problem.

“Hurting people isn’t a joke, Paige!” He was yelling now. Then he was beside you, bending down to your level. “Are you okay, Y/n?” You couldn’t really see him all that clearly, but you could tell he was looking at the wrist you were clutching to your chest.

“No, it hurts a lot.” You whimpered as the pain continued to shoot through your arm.

“Okay, let’s get you to the nurse.” He was gentle as he helped you up from the ground.

“Why are you helping her?” Paige was now frustrated.

“She needs help.” He stated as he bent down to pick up your broken glasses from the ground.

“She’s not one of us, Colby, just leave her alone.”

“No, get out of the way.” He pushed by her and Cassie while leading you towards the school. The fire drill was over at this point.

It was quiet between the two of you as he led you through the hallway full of students who were headed back to class.

“Thank you for helping me.” You said to Colby, in a soft voice.

“Don’t mention it. Paige is a bitch a she needs to be put in her place.” He spoke as you walked into the nurses office. Once again, you had seen a glimpse of the old Colby which only proved to you that he was still in there.

You ended up having to go to the hospital, much to your mothers dismay. It was a serious inconvenience for her to leave work to take you to the hospital. She practically yelled the whole drive there. Your broken glasses were another yelling point for her. At the hospital, it was determined your wrist had been broken, which only angered her further. Not that any of it had been your fault, but she claimed you’d been the one to evoke the girls in the first place. Your mother and you weren’t particularly close.

After that incident, Paige and Colby had called it quits and Paige blamed you, of course. The rest of your senior year was pure hell for you, thanks to Paige and her friends.

You were more than happy to get away from there, luckily. You had received a scholarship to a college three hours away and your father’s house was twenty minutes from it, so you stayed with him. College was lonely for you, though. Because you weren’t all that great at making new friends and your father was always away for work, or on vacation with his new wife. A wife who didn’t like you much either.

Throughout it all, your crush on Colby never once faded. You didn’t know if it ever would.

****

10 years from the time you first began to like Colby, you were returning back to your mother’s house. You’d graduated from college and found a job close to her place, and thankfully she was letting you come back. You promised yourself you wouldn’t be there long before you found a place for yourself. You couldn’t help but to feel nervous about being back at her home. It would bring back memories of high school and Colby, but you highly doubted that he still lived in town.

You pulled into your mother’s driveway, staring at the sage green house in front of you. You’d grown up in this house. Your father had once lived in this house with you. The house held so many memories for you. Good and bad.

Sighing, you finally got out of the car and grabbed your bags from the back. You slowly made your way to the front door and let yourself into the house. Immediately, the aroma of cooking food filled your nostrils. Odd. Your mother hated to cook. You put your bags by the stairs and went to the kitchen. You found your mother standing in front of the stove wearing a blue dress. She never wore dresses.

“Hi mom.” You said getting her attention.

She turned around with a huge smile. “Hello honey. How was the drive back?” She had abandoned the stove to pull you into a hug.

“The drive was fine. What are you dressed up for?”

“Oh honey, I’m so excited. I’ve been seeing this man for a few months now and I’ve invited him and his son to dinner to welcome you home.”

This surprised you. Your mother had never successfully dated since your father left her.

“Yes okay, wow. Congrats mom. I look forward to meeting them.” You honestly were.

“I think you will like him, and his son is about your age and just a sweet young man.”

“Well I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you baby. You should go get settled in. They will be here in about an hour.” She then sent you off towards the stairs. The person you were just talking to was definitely not the person she was before you left for college. You purposely didn’t come home to visit all that often because you were afraid of who you would come home to.

After a quick shower, you sat at your counter to do your makeup. You were happy that you no longer had to wear glasses, because two years ago, your dad had gifted you laser surgery as a sorry for never being around. He still wasn’t around after that though, but you learned to expect that from him. After he left, you weren’t really much of a thought in his head.

You decided on a nice purple dress of yours and a pair of flat black booties for your feet and left your room. When you were halfway down the stairs, the doorbell went off.

“Y/n, could you get that?” Your mother asked from the kitchen.

“Yes.” You said, stopping in front of the door.

You flung open the door, instantly panicking as you saw who was on the other side. Colby Brock beside an older man, that must be his father. Your mom was dating his dad.

“Hello, come on in.” You moved out of the way so they could enter the house. Colby’s eyes were glued to you, which sent chills through your body. Oh god, tonight was going to be hell.

Your mother exited the kitchen and pulled Colby’s dad into a kiss. You grimaced and turned away from the scene. “Y/n sweetie, I want you to meet John Brock and his son Colby.” She introduced the men to you.

“I went to high school with Colby.” Colby was way hotter than you remember him being. He was sexy, tall, and muscular. He had this really sexy dyed blue hair upon his head. The man was perfect.

“Oh really? Do you remember her being so clumsy in high school? Her senior year, she broke both her glasses and wrist all in one day.” Your mother’s words made you blush in pure embarrassment.

“If I remember correctly, Y/n had her glasses stolen before she was pushed into a snowbank. So it wasn’t her fault.” Colby defended you, shocking you.

“Oh, looks like you had a friend in high school, Y/n.” You face grew red now.

“I think dinner is done. I’m going to go set the table.” You quickly dismissed yourself and ran off to the kitchen to grab the plates and silverware. You desperately hoped your mom wasn’t going to keep embarrassing you throughout dinner.

You were setting up the plates when your mother entered the room, followed by Colby and his father. You idly wondered if Colby had a girlfriend.  He had to have a girlfriend with how sexy he was.

“Thank you, Y/n. Can you grab the food for us?” She questioned while already being seated next to John.

“I’ll help you.” Colby said while following you into the kitchen. “How are you doing, Y/n?” He questioned.

You pulled the food from the oven and set it on the stove. “I’m alright. Not too thrilled to be back at my moms, but it’s okay.”

“I know what you mean. Living with my dad is hard. But I haven’t seen him much since he’s been seeing your mom.”

You began to put the other food into bowls for the two of you to carry. “How long have they been dating?” Your mother never said a length of time, only that she was dating someone.

“I’m not too sure, but I know it’s been over six months.”

“She kept it a secret from me.” You concluded. To be honest, it hurt that she kept something that big from you.

“My dad is the same, but he’s been that way all my life. I found out about his affair from someone at school. So that should tell you everything you need to know.”

That was rough. “I’m sorry, Colby.”

He just shrugged. “I’m over it now.” But you didn’t know if he was, but you weren’t going to push him.

The both of you carried the food into the dining room, where your mom and his dad were deep in conversation. The two of them looked up when you entered the room. You placed the food onto the table and took your seats, which happened to be right next to each other. Your mom and his dad were on one side and you and Colby were on the other.

You were still in shock that your crush was right here in front of you. You were double shocked that your mom was dating his dad. How in the world did that happen?

“It’s good to have you home, Y/n.” Your mom said as you started to plate the food.

“Thanks mom. It’s good to be home.” You didn’t know how truthful she was being though because the two of you haven’t gotten along for all of your life. She’s blamed you for your dad leaving and treated you like crap for it.

Dinner went on like that, with idle conversation and moments of silence. Truth be told, it was awkward as hell. You kept stealing glances at Colby, to find him pushing his food around before he would glance your way as well. You would always look away while a light blush appeared on your face.

“Alright kids, now that we have finished dinner, we wanted to talk to you about something.” John said once all the plates had been cleared.

“Sure.” Colby said, while you just nodded.

“We wanted to take a family vacation, so we can get to know each other’s family. So we booked a vacation to Boca Raton for a week.” Your mom said catching the two of you off guard.

“Oh, okay. But you know I have a job to start, right?” You stated.

“Yes sweetie, I know your job doesn’t start until next month and we leave in two days.”

“Great.” Colby’s voice was void of emotions. Like you, he wasn’t thrilled about your parents attempts to mesh the families together.

“You don’t sound too thrilled about this, Colby.” John noticed.

“I’m not. I’m being forced to get to know your new girlfriend and her daughter when I would rather not be involved. It’s not going to go anywhere, just liked the rest of them. You will probably cheat again.”

His words were harsh, but you could definitely see where he was coming from. But you couldn’t help but feel he had a dislike for you simply because your mom was dating his dad.

“That’s where you are wrong. I love Susanne and we are going to make this work whether you like it or not.” John was defensive against his moody son.

“Whatever you say. Are we finished here? I have somewhere to be.” He pushed his chair from the table and got up.

“I’m sorry, Sue, I don’t know where he got the attitude from. I promise he will be better on the trip.” You just rolled my eyes and stood up and started gathering the empty plates. Your mother followed John and Colby out while you started to clean up.

You were washing the dishes, when your mother entered the kitchen behind you.

“So Y/n, did you like John?” She questioned while you glanced over at her.

“I don’t know him enough to know whether I do or not.” You said truthfully.

“Well you should like him. He makes me happy and I’m in love with him.”

A sick feeling formed in your stomach.

“How long have you two been dating?” You needed to know how long she kept it a secret from you.

“Ten months.”

“You kept it a secret from me for 10 months!” You raised your voice as the anger took over. You put the sponge down and turned to face her.

“Yes, we didn’t talk much, and I didn’t think it was that big of a thing to keep from you. Besides, you were busy with college and whatever else you were doing at your fathers, I didn’t want to bother you.”

Her excuse was pure bullshit to you. “Save the shitty excuse and admit you didn’t think about telling me.” You growled turning away from her.

“What? No honey, why would you think that. You’re my daughter and you mean a lot to me.”

Once again you faced her, “I mean a lot to you? That’s a fucking lie. You blamed me all my life for my father leaving you, but you didn’t stop to think about that fact that he left me too. You made my life hell because you weren’t happy with yours. What kind of mother does that?”

She just laughed it off. “You’re overexaggerating it. Now finish the dishes, I’m going to relax.” Before you could say another word, she was out the door.

****

Two days later, you were sitting in an airport, with Colby beside you and both your parents in some seats across from you. Both of you were equally unhappy to be here, while both parents acted like lovebirds. It was honestly gross to watch.

“Holy fuck, do they ever stop.” You groaned, taking your eyes away from them.

“Nope, they are constantly all over each other.” Colby stated looking down at his phone. “You seem angry.” He noticed.

“I am.” You grumbled, thinking about the conversation you had with your mother the other day. Like always, she managed to make you feel like shit instead of acknowledging her wrong doings.

“What did she do?” His focus was now strictly on you.

“She didn’t think telling me about her new boyfriend was important. She practically admitted to forgetting I existed once I was out of the house. Growing up with her as my mother was hell and she has never once apologized for the shit she did to me. For years, she blamed me for her and my fathers divorce. I was 4 when they divorced.” You said making sure your voice was low, so she wouldn’t hear it.

Colby was silent for a little while. “That’s horrible. What kind of mother blames their child for a divorce?”

“Mine apparently. Now she wants to suddenly act like it didn’t happen.”

“Well I think that’s bullshit. I can see right through them, you know. They are just using each other for company. My father has never been able to be faithful, every woman he has dated were all just an excuse to have some fun. He also resents my mom for moving on from him and marrying someone whose better to her.”

“That’s fucked.”

“You’re telling me. My father is immune to commitment.”

“We have some fucked up parents.” He nodded and sent a glare to both your parents who were giggling to themselves.

The flight was called shortly after that, so the two of you followed your parents onto the plane. Colby and you were going to be sitting next to complete strangers, while your parents snuggled up together. It was not fun. Your flight was annoying, because the middle-aged man beside you kept checking you out and trying to talk to you, despite you politely telling him you weren’t interested in conversing. It was complete hell.

Arriving in Boca Raton was a godsend because you couldn’t stand being next to this guy anymore. The last half hour of the flight, he spent it trying to guess your name and persuade your number out of you. You were seconds away from punching him, but luckily the plane landed, and you were able to get out of there quickly. Colby sent you a look as you exited the plane, you just grumbled under your breath.

“Well that flight was wonderful, wasn’t it kids?” Your mother asked as John waited for the luggage to come around.

“Fuck no. That was the worst flight I have ever taken.” You said, holding your anger back.

“Oh sweetie, lighten up. We’re on vacation.” Her words sparked even more anger.

“The old guy next to me kept hitting on me and wouldn’t shut the fuck up the whole flight.”

“Watch your language.” Was all she said before she strolled up to stand beside John.

Colby just chuckled from beside you. You sent him a glare and walked away from the group. You didn’t want to be here with them. You didn’t want to spend a whole week with your mom and her boyfriend that you knew nothing about. You didn’t want to spend the whole week pining over Colby when you knew he would never like you the way you liked him. He and you were still in completely different circles and he liked his women blonde and gorgeous. You were anything but that. Okay maybe you’re pretty, but you still thought of yourself as the nerd from high school and you didn’t doubt he did as well.

John and your mother ushered all of you to a rental car, and you were off to the hotel. Colby and you were in the back, silently sitting beside each other. He was on his phone, probably talking to a girlfriend or something.

“Oh, I almost forgot. John upgraded his and I’s room to a suite, but you and Colby will be sharing a regular room.” Your mother said with a huge smile on her face.

“That’s great.” Colby grumbled from beside you, voicing your thoughts out loud.

“Don’t sound so sad. It will be good for you to get to know each other.” John stated sternly, showing authority over Colby.

“Sure, whatever.” Colby said under his breath. you hid your smirk from his words. He nudged your side when he saw that.

You were nervous as hell now. You would be sharing a room with Colby. The man you’ve had a crush on for nearly 10 years. This was going to be one hell of an experience; you were sure of it.

The car pulled up to the hotel, which was this huge building that looked like it had been here for a while. It was beautiful and right on the beach as well. It was surely a resort and perhaps it wouldn’t be a horrible place to stay. But your nerves were still on edge about this whole vacation. Your moms attachment to Colby’s dad scared you.

Colby and you were given the keycards to the room before your parents left both of you alone to fend for yourselves. Honestly, their behavior was disgusting to you.

“Let’s get to our room I guess.” Colby grumbled, picking up his suitcase and heading towards the elevators in the opposite direction of where our parents had gone. You quickly grabbed yours and followed after him.

The two of you stepped into a gold-plated elevator and he hit the eighth floor, where your room was located. You felt like he was resenting you, because he would have to spend the whole week with you.

“I’m sorry that you have to stay with me.” You mumbled as the elevator moved up floor by floor.

The angry scowl left his face as he glanced towards you. “No, I don’t mind staying with you. I’m mad at our parents for just springing all of this onto us last minute.”

You let out a sigh of relief when he said this. You really thought he hated you or something.

“Oh, I thought you hated me.” You admitted while looking towards the carpeted floor of the elevator.

“I don’t hate you, Y/n. I haven’t ever really hated you, even when I was dating Paige.” His words surprised you.

“Really? Then why was I treated like crap when you dated her?” There was no way he didn’t hate you then.

“Because Paige was always a huge bitch and blackmailed me into treating you that way.”

“Oh, well it’s okay then.”

He shook his head. “It’s not okay at all really. I should have never done some of the things I have done. But I was horrible in high school after my parents’ divorce.”

“Well it’s good to know you didn’t and don’t hate me. Also, don’t blame yourself for the way you acted as a result of the divorce. It was traumatic to you and you only did what helped you feel better.”

“I guess so. I wish I could take so much back.”

“That’s impossible, but you can continue to be a better person from now into the future.” It wasn’t good that he was beating himself up over the past.

He sent you a kind smile. “You’re right. Thank you for that, Y/n.”

You sent him a smile as well. “No problem. Now, should we get this vacation started?” You questioned as the two of you stopped in front of the door to the room.

Colby opened the door and the two of you entered the room. It was a surprisingly nice room for it being a regular room. There was two queen sized beds, covered in crème sheets and comfy looking pillows. There was a decently sized sitting area with a nice flat screen TV. The bathroom was gorgeous, with a huge, jetted tub and a beautiful walk-in shower. The best part was the private balcony we had that overlooked the beautiful blue ocean. Staying here wasn’t going to be so bad.

“This is way nicer than I expected.” He spoke your thoughts.

“Yes, I agree. But this is an upscale hotel.” You stated as you set your bags down on one of the two beds. The beds looked so comfy, you wanted to just take a nap at the moment.

“True.” He answered when his phone went off. He was silent as he checked it. “Our parents want us to meet up in the Lobby at 7 for dinner.” His voice was flat when he mentioned the parents.

“Oh great. Well, that means there’s time for a nap.” You moved your bags from the bed and pulled your shoes off. You pulled back the covers and got into the comfy bed. Your body was in bliss the minute you laid down on the bed. It was absolutely perfect. Your eyes grew heavy as soon as your head hit the pillow. The nap was much needed.

PART TWO >>

[rizubaby]

Sex underneath the stars | Kaito Momota.

18+ content warning | minors dni.

genre ; NSFW oneshot.

request ; Kaito and reader having sex underneath the stars, but Kaito keeps interrupting the mood by talking about space.

tags ; fem!reader, boyfriend experience, oral/fingering, semi-rough sex, sex outside, vulgar language.

Location: courtyard of the academy.

Time: 10:25 pm.

. . .

"K-Kaito, not so fast!" you giggle, your purple spiky haired boyfriend of nearly three months hastily dragging you by your arm as you struggled to keep up with him. After a long and tiring day, the sun has already set and has made room for the gentle glow of the moon. You had both been busy all day, and the suggestive and lustful looks you were giving each other were NOT helping in the slightest. Every time you'd walk past each other, you could feel the unspoken sexual tension build up. God, you wished he would just drag you out for a few minutes and rail you in the nearest empty classroom. But that's not what happened.

Patiently awaiting the day to end and everybody to go back to their dorms, Kaito had come up with a plan. While you two were busy "tidying up the classroom", the rest of the other students made their way back to their rooms. What a perfect lie that was. Fortunately, none of them suspected anything or thought it was odd you two would stay behind. You had agreed to keep your relationship a secret for the time being, because you valued your privacy and wanted to see where this relationship was heading.

As soon as the announcement for nighttime passed, a lustful grin appeared on Kaito's face. You walked up towards him and eagerly pulled him in for a kiss, expecting him to undress you right then and there and fuck the life out of you. But he didn't.

"Kaito? What's wrong?" you asked, looking up into his deep lilac eyes. He smiled at you, immediately grabbing you by your wrist. "I have a much better idea. Come with me."

. . .

As he was quickly dragging you through the halls of the school, you soon walked out into the courtyard. Looking up at the sky, you stood there in awe for a second as the dark midnight sky and bright stars completely surrounded you. Kaito wasted no time and dragged you further back, to the place where you two kissed for the first time, and where he later asked you to be his girlfriend.

"It's... beautiful," you whisper, eyes still wandering to observe the endless amount of small and bright stars. Your eyes dart back over to your boyfriend, who was looking at you with a small smirk. He swiftly wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer, lustfully pressing his lips against yours.

Soft little whimpers escaped your lips as you continued your passionate kiss, feeling his hands slowly slide down and squeeze your beautifully shaped ass. He couldn't contain his large grin as he was cupping your soft behind, and it was kind of adorable. Soon after, he pulled away from your kiss for a moment and gently laid you down on the grass, eagerly pulling off your shirt and his and tossing them aside. He brought his face closer and lustfully started sucking on your tits while one of his hands made it's way down your panties.

"K-Kaito, h-hah..." you whimpered, finally feeling his hands and mouth all over you just like you'd been fantasizing about all day. You felt your face burn up, looking down at him as he was sucking on one breast and squeezing the other, slowly pulling down your panties with his other hand. He let go of your soft breasts and smirked, pressing two fingers against your dripping entrance.

"Mm, you're so wet for me baby..."

All you could do was let out a surprised whimper, feeling the cold air and his warm fingers against your folds simultaneously. As he slowly pushed his fingers deeper inside of you, he leaned in for another sweet kiss to muffle your moans. Your face was burning hot, and all you could focus on in that moment was how good his fingers felt inside you.

As he was thrusting his fingers in and out of you and stimulating your g-spot, he let his eyes wander for a moment and looked up at the sky. Like a child fixated on a toy inside a toystore, his attention quickly moved towards all the constellations in the sky above you.

"Babe, look! That's Ursa Major!"

He nudged you and pointed at the sky, his finger tracing the outline of the constellation. What the hell? Um, hellooo, we're busy here! And how the hell is he able to finger you and focus on something completely different at the same time?!

You looked up at him in confusion, not really being able to comprehend what was happening. His fingers were still working their magic, yet your arousal immediately plummeted significantly. His face turned towards you again for a second, and he started sucking on one of your breasts once again. You decided to laugh it off for now, dismissing it as another one of his quirky characteristics. Trying to focus on the pleasure he was giving you again, you let your fingers run through his hair.

Not even a minute or so later, he stopped, and with a childishly excited expression he started rambling on about space and everything he knew about the constellations he had just observed.

"Babe, did you know that the constellation of Ursa Major and Ursa Minor could be traced back to the Cosmic Hunt myths, which date back more than 13,000 years? And did you know that--"

"Kaito, stop!"

The purple haired boy immediately stopped talking, and looked at you with a surprised expression. He did not expect you to react like that, so it instantly clicked that there was something wrong. You grabbed his wrist, signaling him to stop. You sighed.

"Listen, I know you love talking about space. And it is a beautiful night tonight, I really appreciate that you took me here. But... baby, we're kind of in the middle of something!"

You could see the expression on his face change, and he seemed to get a little embarrassed by his actions. You cupped his face in your hands and looked deeply into his eyes.

"We've been waiting for this all day, I need you so bad. So please... give me your full attention."

Something about the way you said it made him instantly forget everything he wanted to say, and he felt the tent in his pants growing. The way you always managed to snap him out of it and make him focus on you made him appreciate you even more. You knew him better than anyone and always knew what he needed, and somehow whatever you'd say to him now would only make him want to fuck you even more.

"You're right. I'm sorry... let me make it up to you," he stated, bringing his face to your neck and gently planting kisses all over. He brought his lips closer to your ear, and whispered;

"Let me show you how much I need you."

Hearing him say that in that low and lustful voice of his made your pussy throb. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him as close to you as he could, reaching down and cupping him through his pants. A soft grunt escaped him as he started kissing down your neck and collarbones, reaching down as well to pull down his pants and boxers. But instead of positioning himself in front of your entrance, he slowly kissed his way down to the inside of your thighs, making your longing for him almost unbearable.

"As much as I want to feel you around me, I want to taste you first..."

Without warning, he hungrily started lapping at your clit. Your back arched in response, and you frantically reached for him. Gripping onto his hair tightly and your legs shaking, the sudden shift in tone made you near your climax already. Aroused little moans and whimpers came out of you, and he loved every sound you made.

"That's it, cum for me baby.. Cum on my face, hm..." he mumbled, the vibrations of his voice against your skin sending shivers up your spine. Within seconds, your first high washed over you and it left you a trembling mess with your boyfriend's face between your thighs. A satisfied groan came from him as he licked your soaked folds, making you extremely flustered by how much he loved it when you came on his face.

Without saying a word, Kaito quickly got up and lifted your legs over his broad shoulders, positioning himself at your entrance and rubbing the tip of his cock in between your lips.

"K-Kaito, p-please, I need-- Ah!"

Finally not being able to contain himself any longer, he pushed his length all the way inside. He let out a soft grunt and immediately started pumping into you. His pace was incredible, and the way he filled you up was just perfect. With your legs in the air and over his shoulders, the angle in which he was pounding into you made him go even deeper. He reached down and started stimulating your clit with his thumb whilst he was fucking you, grinning at the sight of your flustered face.

"Mm, you feel so fucking good around me baby.." He muttered, firmly gripping your hips with his other hand. Seeing you in a state of pure extacy made him so incredibly hard for you, slowly picking up the pace with every thrust. The sloppy sounds of your bodies colliding and aroused moans made for a beautiful symphony, something you'd be thinking about long after this night.

"F-Fuck, I'm gonna cum soon... S/o, come with me," Kaito whispered, leaning forward and muffling both of your moans with another lustful kiss. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close as you tightly wrapped your legs around his waist. He was thrusting into you so hard and so fast, it felt like you were going to lose your mind at any moment. All you could do was incoherently moan out his name while digging your nails into his back. Kaito's face was buried against your chest, clenching his jaw as his breathing became increasingly hitched and laboured. "A-Ah, f-fuck..! Baby, come with me- Hngh!"

Feeling your walls tightly clench around his cock, his thick ropes of cum finally spilled inside of you, making you let out a final loud moan. Milking him of every last drop, he grunted loudly as he rode out his high. He honestly couldn't believe you felt so fucking good. This was by far the best sex you ever had since you two got together.

He finally collapsed on top of you, both panting heavily as you slowly came down from your incredible orgasms. Kaito gently pulled out, admiring the sight of his thick cum dripping out of you. He chuckled, a satisfied smile forming on his face as he reached down and kissed you lovingly.

Kaito quickly grabbed his coat and hung it over your shoulders. He laid back down on the grass with his hands behind his head and you nuzzled up against him, looking up at the stars once again.

"That was amazing, heh... We should really do this more often," he laughed.

"Okay, but you have to promise me to not talk about space anymore while we have sex."

"Hahaha, fine. I only have eyes for you anyway."